VH1 Will Do a New Dating Series…Naked

It’s happening. VH1 — the network that keeps 40-something comedians regularly employed by making them relive and explain notable pop culture events from a time when said comedians were more popular, locking them into a hellish cycle of nostalgia and desperation that daytime television audiences can really relate to — has decided, after picking “dare” in a game of truth or dare with MTV and CMT, to pick up a dating series about clothed people going on dates with nekkkkiiid people. The series is (tentatively) being called Naked Dating because 1) why bury the lede? and 2) See, I Really Don’t Have Pubic Lice seemed too unsettling a title for cable TV producers. Studies show that bugs make people squeamish.

According to The Hollywood Report, the 10-episode series was produced by Lighthearted Entertainment, a production company rumored to have been started by the left, more exhibitionary testicle of Mephistopheles. If you’re wondering what kind of shenanigans we can expect from Naked Dating, just look to Lighthearted Entertainment’s earlier work, i.e. Extreme Makeover, Moment of Truth, Next, 72 Hours, and the seminal dating program Are You the One […Whom I Want to Spend the Rest of My Earthly Existence Sharing Pizza Farts with in an Undersized Apartment]?”

The Naked Dating concept is so excruciatingly simple that it will make you believe (incorrectly) that Hollywood is really hungering for new ideas, like your live action Rescue Rangers spec script. On Naked Dating, a clothed man and clothed woman will each date two different naked people. TO BE CLEAR: the suitors on this program will be naked, which means that this program will be filmed somewhere warm enough to expose one’s genitals. Let’s say Puerto Rico. Once in Puerto Rico, the naked suitor and the clothed love seeker will talk, presumably about everything except rashes, ingrown hairs, and the (also naked) parasitic twin growing out of the naked suitor’s left thigh.

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