USA Beats Japan in Women's World Cup Finals

Or, How Carli Lloyd Became A National Fucking Hero.

On July 5, the U.S. Women’s National Team handily secured a 5-2 victory against Japan in the Women’s World Cup finals, after team captain Carli Lloyd scored three goals within the first 16 minutes of the game, an achievement which is known as a hat trick*.

Her first goal (a corner kick) came in minute three before most people had even gotten home from their Sundays. She followed up with another in the sixth minute, and then got help from her teammate Lauren Holiday who scored another — putting the U.S. at 3-0 before basically any time had gone by.

But the move that made faux-soccer fans (and real soccer fans) across the world spontaneously climax was the team’s fourth goal, when Lloyd catapulted the ball from halfway down the field.

Japan managed to squeak two goals by, before Tobin Heath solidified the three-point lead with a final shot.

The victory marks the third championship win for the Women’s National Team (and the first since 1999), breaking the record for most Women’s World Cup wins for any country. The game was also a major rematch — in 2011, the U.S. lost to Japan after missing a number of corner kicks and giving up its lead twice.

Does this seem ridiculously exciting for soccer? Turns out, it is:

*You need to know this vocabulary for Twitter, where everyone is very proud that they Googled it like I did.