Two-Thirds of Jennifer Lopez's Marriages Don't Count

Illustration for article titled Two-Thirds of Jennifer Lopez's Marriages Don't Count

In her heart, Jennifer Lopez has subtracted two marriages out of three, leaving her with just one previous marriage, and quite frankly, I find this marriage math inspirational.

In a recent interview promoting the tour she’s doing to celebrate 50 years of looking 25, J. Lo explained that if you’re only briefly married to people whose names you can barely remember, then those marriages don’t count:

“‘I’ve been married three times: once was nine months and once was 11 months. So I don’t really count those,’” she said. “I was married to Marc for 10 years with the kids. I was very young the first two times I tried to get married. I’m saying tried to get married,” she added, laughing.”


This is an excellent philosophy that I will now apply to many periods of my life that I’d like to forget. Less than a year? Didn’t fucking happen.


Illustration for article titled Two-Thirds of Jennifer Lopez's Marriages Don't Count

I have been instructed to roast this headline, but there’s nothing I can write that makes these words more ridiculous than they already are. The article begins with a quote about feminism from Ryan Gosling, a person I’d heretofore believed to be a male celebrity.

[Us Weekly]

  • If Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane don’t get divorced soon, the judge isn’t going to let them get divorced at all. [People]
  • Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag remain delightfully petty. Stay golden, you two. [Page Six]
  • Emma Stone met Baby Spice, who is her namesake. [Nylon]
  • Mary-Kate and Ashley continue to answer the question, “What if Edie Beale was twins and had plenty of money?” [Just Jared]
  • O.J. Simpson got a Twitter, and Newsweek made Dirt Bag. [Newsweek]

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Very young?!?! She was almost 30.