Turns Out I Was Right

Illustration for article titled Turns Out I Was Right
Screenshot: Fox 11

In June, an off-duty LAPD officer claimed that a Starbucks employee put a tampon in his Frappuccino, and cried big baby crocodile tears about being targeted by the employees of Starbucks because he’s a police officer. The LAPD opened an investigation into this incident—an unnecessary step simply because we at Jezebel had already conducted our own investigation that proved irrefutably that the thing in the Frappuccino wasn’t a goddamn tampon.

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I am happy to report that for one of the first times in my adult life, I am correct. The results of the investigation into this disgusting crime against the boys in blue are here, baby, and it turns out that the thing in the cop’s beverage wasn’t a tampon.

From Fox 11:

LASD sources tell FOX 11 that after reviewing video and conducting interviews with both the officer and the barista, the barista admitted she accidentally scooped up a cleaning cloth that had fallen into ice, then unknowingly blended it into the officer’s drink.

The officer discovered the object in his drink and believed it was a malicious tampering of his beverage.

LASD sources tell FOX 11 the barista was very apologetic, and the incident was neither criminal tampering on the part of the barista nor a malicious hoax perpetuated by the officer.

Case closed! Justice served! It wasn’t a tampon. I was right.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

These damn snowflakes always thinking they’re being targeted.