Trump Inaccurately Remembers Where He Recently Launched 59 Missiles

Screenshot via Fox Business.
Screenshot via Fox Business.

In an interview that aired Wednesday morning, Donald Trump told Fox News’s Maria Bartiromo in exquisitely vague detail all about how he told Chinese President Xi Jinping how he had launched missiles at the wrong country.


Shortly after Trump ordered the launch of 59 Tomahawk Cruise missiles at an airbase in Syria, he told Xi about it over dinner at his Florida country club Mar-a-Lago. In their conversation, Bartiromo asked Trump how that conversation went. Was it over a rarely-cooked steak of white horned rhinoceros? Did Trump try to make a joke to lighten the mood? Did he mime tenderly patting Ivanka’s tear-streaked cheeks?

“I was sitting at the table we had finished dinner we’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen,” Trump said, gesturing at how large the cake was (about the size of a biggish infant). “And President Xi was enjoying it. And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do? And we made a determination to do. So the missiles were on the way.”

“So I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you—this is during —we’ve just fired 59 missiles, all of which hit by the way. Unbelievable, from hundreds of miles away, all of which hit, amazing, so incredible, it’s brilliant, it’s genius, our technology, our equipment is better than anybody by a factor of five...” he continues, becoming slightly distracted and embarking upon a tangent in which he praises our military equipment for functioning properly (though, to be fair, that’s quite unusual for things—missiles or otherwise—with the Trump name on it).

“So what happens is, I said, we just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq—”

“Heading towards Syria?” Bartiromo corrects him.

“Yes, heading toward Syria.”

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Look, it doesn’t matter who I killed, just that you remember I killed them bestly.