Translating The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer

The trailer for the latest Twilight movie, Eclipse, has arrived. This is the third film in the soapy vampire romance series, and if you're a little bit lost, plot-wise, this frame-by-frame analysis should help! (Actual trailer at the end.)

And: Here's the trailer, which you will now be able to understand!

OMFG YOU GUISE NEW ECLIPSE TRAILER! [ONTD]