Trader Lawsuit Reveals Secret To $13 Billion Hedge Fund Riches: Estrogen Pills, Pretty Dresses!

Context: Hedge funds, those secretive Connecticut forces that run the world/take all its money/answer to no one, are known for having a lack of females at the top. Creative solution time!

A trader is suing his former hedge fund for forcing him to scour the black market for female hormone pills in hopes they would make him a keener, more “feminine” trader but actually they just made him into a gay cross-dresser who couldn’t have sex with his wife. And seriously, I’m torn as to what to tell you next. Should I start with the fact that the hedge fund in question is SAC Capital, which regularly accounts for 3% of all the trades on the New York Stock Exchange i.e. is BIGGER THAN GOD (and more secretive than the ahem Vatican?) Or the fact that the hormone-popping boss in question lives next door to Yoko Ono? And makes an estimated $100 million a year? And that this is his secret: making men take estrogen? (Hey, interruption for a service announcement: SafeSearch on when Googling “eunuch”!) Anyway there’s more!

Back when the crazy case was filed and then sealed on grounds of batshit craziness (and also: Steven Cohen=ever-so-slightly terrifying, at least until we knew he was maybe just a frustrated drag queen), a suit implied they also made traders wear… fishnets? Evening gowns? Not clear!

On July 24, Tong met with Jiang both alone and with other members of Jiang’s group. Jiang told Tong about his top secret training philosophy, which was to include a program of strict confidentiality and the elimination of Tong’s alleged personality flaws by requiring him to wear certain kinds of clothing at work.

!!!!!

So, since when has estrogen been the answer to dealing with these fuckheads? Is this like a “Dogs of the Dow” story (Bitches of the Dow, lol)? Or is there something to it? Traders, stop arbitraging derivatives or whatever it is you do and provide insight, please!

Details Emerging In SAC Sexual Harrassment Suit [CNBC, which by the way needs to stop running that fucking Coulter clip and update us on this shit already]
Related: Sartorial Modification Behavior At SAC [Dealbreaker]