Toddlers & Tiaras: Captioning The Moments

On last night's episode, the director of the Southern Glitz Pageant didn't even pretend that "inner beauty" plays into the scoring of the children who competing. So with that in mind, let's judge the following by looks alone.



To get things started, let's her the pageant director explain the importance of beauty.


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Illustration for article titled iToddlers  Tiaras/i: Captioning The Moments

So, if these people place so much value on beauty, and wish to visit those values upon their children, why are they not leading by example? I'm not saying this woman is ugly. I'm just saying that she thought it was important to put a wig on a 4-year-old.


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Illustration for article titled iToddlers  Tiaras/i: Captioning The Moments

If judges are only going to base their scoring on the external, then I find this to be a perfect response.


Illustration for article titled iToddlers  Tiaras/i: Captioning The Moments

This girl clearly doesn't give two glitz about winning.


DRUNK.


Illustration for article titled iToddlers  Tiaras/i: Captioning The Moments
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It's kind of sad when a 3-year-old resigns herself to having emotions that match her hair, lashes, teeth, and fingertips. She needs to just let it all out. Like that other girl who farted.


Illustration for article titled iToddlers  Tiaras/i: Captioning The Moments
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DISCUSSION

Despite everything else going on on this show, the oddest thing to me is that these women who worry so much about the grooming of a 4-year-old attend these pageants looking like they just rolled out of bed: scrunchie in uncombed hair, elastic-waist pants and an oversized t-shirt from some high school homecoming game.