Toddlers & Tiaras: Captioning The Moments

On last night’s episode, the director of the Southern Glitz Pageant didn’t even pretend that “inner beauty” plays into the scoring of the children who competing. So with that in mind, let’s judge the following by looks alone.

To get things started, let’s her the pageant director explain the importance of beauty.

So, if these people place so much value on beauty, and wish to visit those values upon their children, why are they not leading by example? I’m not saying this woman is ugly. I’m just saying that she thought it was important to put a wig on a 4-year-old.

If judges are only going to base their scoring on the external, then I find this to be a perfect response.

This girl clearly doesn’t give two glitz about winning.

DRUNK.

It’s kind of sad when a 3-year-old resigns herself to having emotions that match her hair, lashes, teeth, and fingertips. She needs to just let it all out. Like that other girl who farted.