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Toddlers & Tiaras: 4-Year-Old Brat Is Boss

On last night's season premiere of T&T, 4-year-old pageant contestant Makenzie initially seemed like a soul-eating, tantrum-throwing nightmare, but through her rubber-necking demands, you could see an assertive, take-no-shit attitude shining through. Sometimes brats grow up to be successful ball-busters.



The thing that I liked about Makenzie—other than her wardrobe and her bedroom furniture—is that she clearly has the upper hand on her parents, which might suck, at times, for them, but as she says, no one can tell her what to do, so you really get the feeling that she's not being forced into this whole pageant thing, and that it's all her own doing. I also enjoyed her sass and style.


Seriously, tell me you don't relate to this. I feel like I've actually lived out this exact experience—outfit, magic wand, and pacifier—one night at Twilo.


Speaking of pacifiers, she has a relationship with hers, which she's personified and calls Ni Ni. I like how she can have her little girl weirdo moments—spinning around in circles—and then also have an adult understanding of things (like that pacifiers can't drive or read maps) that make her impenetrable to bullshit attempts at logic on behalf of adults who want to snow her over.

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DISCUSSION

I appreciate that almost all the stuff that pisses her off would also piss me off.

No independent person enjoys being picked up and held by their mother in public. Especially not while at work. Duh.

Sugared glass rims are one of those obnoxious "Sex and the City" cocktail trends that need to die. Not all drinks need to be pink, and they don't need to be fancy. The point of drinking is drinking, not being girly about it.

Her Russian majorette/Buckingham guard costume featured awesome kick-ass boots, which her mother tried to ruin by attaching stupid matchy-matchy red fabric toppers or something. I've had enough of that shit as well.

And finally, I also hate it when I'm having a fit about something, and someone tries to placate me by saying something stupid. No, the pacifier doesn't know how to get home, and no, I'm not having a fit because of my menstrual cycle. So shut it and try to be helpful.