This Week In Tabloids: Arnold "Groped, Used & Humiliated" 32 More Women, Has 2 More Secret Kids
CelebritiesWelcome back to Midweek Madness. Every Wednesday, we check out the the furniture left beside the curb by Us, Ok!, Star, In Touch and Life & Style. This week, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are staying in all weekend to bone; Bethenny Frankel has an awesome fold-out yoga poster to share with you; and Maria Shriver calls Arnold Schwarzenegger a swine.
Ok!
“Half My Weight!”
Olivia Ward is the winner of The Biggest Loser, and she lost a lot of weight! The married New York opera singer started at 261 lbs. and was told by her doctor that she might not be able to have kids if she didn’t lose weight. Now she is 132 lbs. Congrats. There’s a sidebar about how Olvia’s eating habits have changed: Her breakfast used to be bacon egg and cheese on a bagel with hash browns but now she eats an egg white omelette filled vegetables. Her old lunch was a turkey and cheddar sandwich with mayonnaise on ciabatta bread. Her new lunch is three crackers with three ounces of turkey slices. Let’s move on: “Lamar Isn’t A Good Dad” is about how Lamar Odom’s ex-wife, Liza, claims he never visits his kids. He’s missed birthdays and goes months without visiting or calling. Liza says: “Financially, Lamar has always been very giving.” The mag points out: “Khloe wants a baby but Lamar rarely visits the kids he already has.” Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had an “intimate” birthday bash — as in, just the two of them. They’re staying in a “Toronto love nest” we mere mortals call a hotel suite. KStew made kobe beef meatballs and spaghetti and then they had cheesecake and watched TV with their adorable rescue puppy named Bear.
Grade: D- (dining chair with blown out cane seat)
Us
“Hot Bodies 2011”
Here you’ll find seven pages of not-necessarily new posed photos of celebrities with “hot” bodies. After that, there’s a two-page spread of Bethenny Frankel talking about how yoga changed her life. But wait! There’s more! A huge pull-out poster of Bethenny’s 15-minute yoga workout! (see Fig. 1). Then another twenty or so pages of “hot” bodies. You may recognize some of the photographs from shoots in other magazines, like GQ. If you like looking at hot bodies and would like your yoga workout to be only 15 minutes, this magazine is for you. Back to the gossip: Kate Gosselin owes her marriage therapist almost $11,000. Ouch. Scott “American Pyscho” Disick says of his 17-month-old son Mason: “Of course he looks great. I dress him like me!” Jennifer Aniston is having a “secret romance” with Justin Theroux. She is super into him, obviously, and they — gasp — had a sleepover. They’ve had a dinner date, a lunch date, and a “holed up in her home” date. We’ve seen her house, and we want to hole up in it, too. Olivia Wilde and Mila Kunis came out to support Justin Timberlake at his Saturday Night Live hosting gig — and then the three of them went out and partied. And had a great time. Michael Sheen on falling in love with Rachel McAdams on the set of Midnight In Paris: “We spent our nights walking around Paris. It was a great way to get know each other!” Rosario Dawson has broken up with her longtime boyfriend, French DJ Mathieu Schreyer. Dianna Agron from Glee is now dating Gossip Girl‘s Sebastian Stan. Which means that in February, when Dianna’s then-bf Alex Badass Pettyfer scuffled with Stan because he suspected Stan and Dianna were hooking up, he was probably right. Next: Pippa Middleton, 27, is ready to move out of her parents’ home and into the London flat of her boyfriend, Alex. She’s telling friends they’re going to get married. Leonardo DiCaprio is obsessed with Blake Lively, but she is playing hard to get. We know this because he was on Steven Spielberg’s boat in Cannes, and even though there were lots of hotties hanging around, he wouldn’t stop looking at his phone, checking his hair and flossing his teeth — until he spotted Blake. Then he started waving like crazy. There was a long, lingering hug and then they were both grinning ear to ear. Then Leo and Blake drove 160 miles to Portofino, where they wandered around smiling. In Arnold Schwarzenegger news, Maria’s kids have met their half-brother a few times, but that kid and his mom have fled their home in Bakersfield due to media attention. But Maria hopes that her children will have a relationship with Arnold’s son, because she knows he is the victim in the situation. Last, but not least: Here is a picture of Sara Rue playing beer pong at her wedding! (see Fig. 2)
Grade: D- (stained couch with ripped cushioning)
Life & Style
“Hot Summer Loves.”
Jennifer Aniston has a “secret new love,” Justin Theroux. They spent five days in a row together so obviously it’s on. They hung out at her house for an entire weekend! The mag decides that Jen and Justin are perfect for each other because they are both dog lovers who value their privacy and healthy eating. Justin has always had a “thing” for Jen and calls her “the classiest lady I know.” Ooh, also: Their apartments in New York are a mere 10 blocks away from each other. FATE. The mag explains that Justin is “the best of her exes” because he loves danger, like Brad; he’s funny, like Vince; and he’s a rebel, like John. The other “summer love” is between Blake and Leo, and the story is titled, “Why Leo Chose Blake Over A Supermodel!” Answer: Blake is a breath of fresh air after Bar Refwhatshername was “constantly” pressuring Leo to father her baby and do stuff like, hang out. What a bummer. Leo and Blake have an “obvious connection” and were spotted cracking jokes and TALKING CLOSELY. Leo’s asked Blake to come visit him in Australia on the set of The Great Gatsby, but she is trying to be a movie star and is very busy, and could be the first woman Leo has dated who won’t mold her schedule around his, which makes him want her more. In other news, Leighton Meester is dating Justin Long, which is adorable. Schwarzenegger update: Maria Shriver’s kids were the ones to told her to leave Arnold. They talked to her one by one in an intervention, a few weeks ago. Meanwhile, Arnold is getting zero sympathy from the kids. No surprise. Patrick dropped his last name from his Twitter handle. Jack Black’s wife is glad that Jack and Angelina Jolie were in sound booths away from each other while doing the voices for Kung Fu Panda. She didn’t want Angie to steal her man! “It’s not over the top to be a little worried about that, okay.” Finally, Real Estate Porn: The house that the Beckhams are renting in Malibu for the summer is gorgeous. Seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a pool and an ocean view. (see Fig. 3)
Grade: D (scuffed and discolored coffee table)