This Summer's Most Refreshing Beverage Is Horse Jizz Beer

Tired of living the high life but have no idea where to turn next? Up for whatever but boring light beers that your mom drinks? Well, then the only cure for your thirst is a craft beer injected with thick, gelatinous horse cum. No, let’s not argue about this. Just pay the nice bartender and gulp that shit down. Notice how nicely it coats the throat?

If you’re already gagging at your screen, you’re not alone. While The Green Man Pub in New Zealand claims that people are really enjoying the frothy new concoction they’ve dreamed up for the thirsty, one person I showed the idea to was so disgusted they couldn’t even spell “gross” correctly, making it “gorss” because they were probably too busy retching. But wait, we’re not done yet. Turns out that this isn’t the first time The Green Man Pub has used semen in their food, although it’s no less delightful and filling than last time.

BuzzFeed spoke to Steve Drummond, the pub’s owner about the establishment’s verrry interesting menu:

“In 2011 we wanted to add something really wild to our Monteith’s Wild Food Challenge dish. We came across a company that did horse semen shots at a wild food event and developed that concept as a chaser for our dish. The shot was so successful we ended up selling bucketloads of the stuff.

Bucketloads. Horse cum for everyone. Just straight unadulterated equine jizz bottled at the source.

The new beer comes courtesy of one of the pub’s staff members, who’s been experimenting with semen-injected foods. The first crop of Stag Semen Stout didn’t work out because the horse couldn’t perform, but the latest batch of beer was a collaboration between the pub and another, much more cooperative horse.

According to Drummond, most people are “swallowing the beer and not spitting it” and are totally cool with its ingredients in the way my 16-year-old cousin thought she was cool when she would say shit like “this macaron is good, but it’s not as good as the ones I had in Paris.” Wait, can you imagine? What if horse cum beer becomes popular and people have to talk about how much they love it at parties? (I say have to because discussing beer seems like a compulsion for a subset of people.) More importantly: Would you drink the bitter, salty concoction?