This Shake Will Make You Feel Like a Billion Bucks

Illustration for article titled This Shake Will Make You Feel Like a Billion Bucks

Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation of random things that we've actually spent our own money on. These are the things we buy regularly or really like, things we'd actually tell our friends about. And now we're telling you.


Do you regularly not get enough sleep because TV!!? Do you subsist off a diet of pop tarts and Burger King morning fries? If so, I might have something to help you be all that you can be, while still maintaining a shitty schedule and terrible diet. Yes, you truly can have it all.

I start almost every morning with a Vega One shake. Not only does it take ten seconds to shake up a glass, it's filled with all the healthy stuff — one serving has fifty percent of your daily intake of vitamins and minerals, 15g protein, 6g fiber, 1.5g Omega-3, antioxidants, probiotics, digestive enzymes, and the equivalent of three servings of green vegetables*. It's plant-based, made from whole foods, and is probably the nutritional opposite of whatever delicious hormone- and poison-filled food-like product you snarfed down at dinner.


Here's the thing, right after I down a Vega shake, I feel fucking amazing. My head is clear, and I'm ready to tackle the world and then make love to it. I'm telling you, it is intense. Even if I only slept three hours and ate a plate of brownies for dinner the night before (hey, it happens), a Vega shake will perk me right up and keeps me full until lunch. I've never consumed anything (legal) that made me feel so good. At the risk of sounding like the total hippie that I am, food is the most powerful medicine you put in your body, so it makes sense that a hearty dose of health would affect your mood. That said, I still find it freaky how fucking wonderful I feel after my morning shaker bottle of Vega.

Now, the bad news. I'm not gonna pull punches here — Vega tastes DISGUSTING (to me). It's like taking a shit-covered forest floor, mixing it with garbage water, and then garnishing it with whatever flavor the tub says it is (from berry to chocolate — it all taste exactly the same). It's just... ugh, I'm about to dry heave just thinking about it.

HOWEVER, I've been told that compared to other protein shakes and supplements, it's not that bad. If you're more used to chalky, green-tasting things, you might think it tastes kinda good. Also, I've heard it tastes much better mixed in with things like berries, coconut milk, and nut butters — but I'm hardcore/lazy so I'm strictly water. My boyfriend actually LIKES the chai flavor, but I've yet to try it.

Even dealing with the funkified flavor, the trade off is worth it. It's also expensive —about $70 for a tub (20 servings) — but if you do the math, that's $3.50 for a breakfast that keeps you full until lunch. Not bad.


I buy it at Whole Foods, but you can order it through their site and here's a store list/Amazon. Now go chase that rush, and come back later to thank me (preferably with cash; I need to buy more Vega).

*Reminder from the comments: As with anything you put in your body, make sure to check the ingredients to make sure you're not allergic to anything in it. This post says it contains "no allergens" but as I've just learned from prettyfb2, that only refers to the top 8 allergens: milk, egg, wheat, fish, shellfish, soy, tree nut, or peanut. LIVING LEARNING EATING GROWING.


Vega One

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Pope Alexander

I am so Goddamn suggestible it's not even funny, but I will say that I went out and my local Superstore (Canadian chain) has a "sample pack" of these for about $18 if you're curious but don't want to make a $60-70 plunge. It's about 280 g (roughly 10 servings per bag).

Had some about 20 minutes ago with unsweetened almond milk. I got the berry blend, which purports to be better-tasting than the old formula. Shook it up with one of those blender-ball containers and I feel AMAZING. Seriously. Huge head-rush, lots of energy, buzzing, etc.

The taste wasn't that bad. I do protein drinks for breakfast or lunch to avoid buying a big deli salad or breakfast at work since I have no time in the morning and this is as good, if not better, than most of those.

So... extremely early review.