This Pig Is My True Love

Forget about Bad Bunny, Tom Hardy, and yes, even Gritty. I’ve been holding out for someone—something—special, and this weekend I found it: This lovely pig who trotted his cute, black-and-white spotted bod through the the streets of San Bernardino County over the weekend.

You see how he roams the streets with both confidence and humility, head bobbing slowly. He seems loyal and friendly and kind. He is, according to local residents, the size of a mini horse—a perfect size for a nice cuddle. The darling pig likes to go on long walks—deputies know where he lives, because he escapes often. He may have an adventurous spirit, but he’s a homebody at heart: a bag full of Doritos is enough to lure him back home.

If only a bag of Doritos were enough to lure him to my heart. A girl can dream.