This Incredible Makeup Transformation Is, Well, Absolutely Incredible

Did anyone else miss the day when girls got good at applying makeup? I must’ve been out sick when some magical fairies came in and taught us how to apply tangerine bronze to create cheekbones and purple eye liner to make green eyes pop. When I put on those things, I actually look like a jack-o-lantern. And not a cute one — like, a fucked-up situation that some 4-year-old carved with one of those “safety utensils” kits. Anyway, this is awesome and I love it and I want to learn magic.

On the shit side (this is the Internet, after all! Every silver lining must be covered in a fine patina of feces!), apparently some jackhole whiners on Reddit are complaining about how this woman is “tricking” them with her shady makeup sorcery. LololololololololololLMFAOlolololol. Okay, I can breathe again.

Newsflash, dudes. Actually, this newsflash comes in several segments:

1. I get that these boys on Reddit want a (shell of a) woman who “looks natural” but still super duper pretty in a societally acceptable way. It’s like women are damned if they do or damned if they don’t. You don’t wear makeup, you’re a gross hag who needs to smile more often. You do wear makeup, and you’re a skank slut who is trying too hard. There’s a very fine line of an “acceptable” face look for a woman and if you don’t toe the line, get ready to be called out in the deepest crevice of the Internet’s anus.

2. She’s not doing it for you. It has nothing to do with you.

3. You most likely couldn’t get with her, before or after.

4. You’re totally missing the point of makeup! Makeup is whatever the woman wants it to be! Painting your face — if you’re into that kind-of thing — is super hella fun. And again finally for the last time ever please lord, it’s not about you.

Now that that’s cleared up, off to YouTube to watch some makeup videos — gonna go get the Ursula.