This Hair Does Not Look Good, So Please Don't Spend Money On It

Photo via Paramount Pictures

Hair! Everyone, for the most part, has it! Sometimes it’s short and sometimes it’s long and sometimes if you use Vogue as your personal grooming barometer, it’s... ugly.

This week, the moppets at Vogue are back at it, this time declaring that, with ’90s nostalgia reaching an absolute, shrieking fever pitch, the “Clueless blowout” is making its illustrious return. Jen Atkin, Kardashian hairstylist and the reason you’ve maybe asked for “like, just really easy, rumpled sort of beachy hair?” at the salon, is leading the charge on this thing, imploring women far and wide to throw their curling wands into a trash can and dig their round brushes out of their bathroom cabinets. The look is akin to a Catholic schoolgirl, or maybe a modified Prince Valiant — a little longer, sans bangs, intended to communicate some sort of insouciance via a carefully architected hair flip that actually took, like, 25 minutes to achieve.


If we’re going to be nitpicky here—and yes, please believe that we are—this isn’t the Cher Horowitz blowout, as Atkin would have you believe. This is Amber. Furthermore, the addition of the bobby pins in combination with that dead-straight center part works on like, three people—shockingly enough, it’s the three people mentioned by Vogue! One Hadid and two Jenners. Look, if this is your thing, fine. Maybe you’ve experimented for hours in the bathroom and finally achieved hair nirvana. If so, I am honestly thrilled. Do your hair! Wear it how you want! Live your life to the fullest.

But, if so moved to make this your Signature Look now that Vogue has poked the Kardashian’s hair guru and asked her to explain why and what she’s doing, don’t spend money to make yourself look like this. Just do it yourself.

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