This Brutally Honest Invite is How We Should All Be Doing Weddings

Image for article titled This Brutally Honest Invite is How We Should All Be Doing Weddings

Weddings: Who needs them? It's just a bunch of sitting around, oohing and aahing over someone's expensive one-use dress and eating canapes while a bossa nova version of "Happy" is played over an aging sound system. One couple decided to forego all that nonsense with one typo.


Look, I like weddings as much as the next person. One time I was even in one and gave an awesome ten-minute speech and then had to apologize to lots of people (I was played off when I was done and the phrase "I feel like Renee Zelwegger at the Oscars" was definitely said). Another time, I heckled my partner as he was giving his speech and then drunkenly wrestled someone for the bouquet (there is video of my partner screaming "MARK IT'S ME! I CAUGHT IT! YOU'RE OKAY!") before informing everyone that I couldn't feel my teeth and sitting down on the dance floor. I get it, that shit's sometimes fun, but it's also a huge hassle and you know people are in it just for the presents. And this couple accidentally let everyone know that.

Image for article titled This Brutally Honest Invite is How We Should All Be Doing Weddings

The wedding's already happened, and I bet the couple probably feels a little embarrassed that they spent lots of money on a beautiful invitations — with, what is that, a hairy clam purse? Is that a hairy clam purse on this invitation? Where does one get that kind of thing? — and ended up looking greedy. But you know what? It's actually pretty refreshing. I would totally respect a couple who just asked for a present and then skipped the entire wedding thing. I'd send an Amazon gift certificate and feel pretty good about myself. Wouldn't you? Let's start a revolution! (Except you have to come to my wedding. The first song will be "In Your Eyes" by Debbie Deborah Gibson.)

Lead Image via Shutterstock

Invitation Image via Imgur


McCoy's Mistress

OK guys, help me out. My mother is hosting the wedding; ideally, she would like us to put "'Mrs. McCoy's Dad's Name' invites you" on the invite. As feminists, we refuse to use that construction and will only use her own first and middle name. However, that's the only way my late father's name would get on the invite unless we did something funky.

The best I've come up with so far is "Mrs. McCoy's Mom's Actual Name [Because she is a person and not just a widow]," in memory of her husband "McCoy's Dad's Name" invites you... BUT then it sounds like the whole bash is Dad's second memorial service or that Mom's only doing it in his memory or something. told me after a Google search that a dead parent just doesn't appear on the invite. OK, that's a horrible solution, I miss my father dearly and so does my mom, and I'd like to honor him.

If you can get through all that word salad, any suggestions?