This Brutally Honest Invite is How We Should All Be Doing Weddings

Weddings: Who needs them? It’s just a bunch of sitting around, oohing and aahing over someone’s expensive one-use dress and eating canapes while a bossa nova version of “Happy” is played over an aging sound system. One couple decided to forego all that nonsense with one typo.

Look, I like weddings as much as the next person. One time I was even in one and gave an awesome ten-minute speech and then had to apologize to lots of people (I was played off when I was done and the phrase “I feel like Renee Zelwegger at the Oscars” was definitely said). Another time, I heckled my partner as he was giving his speech and then drunkenly wrestled someone for the bouquet (there is video of my partner screaming “MARK IT’S ME! I CAUGHT IT! YOU’RE OKAY!”) before informing everyone that I couldn’t feel my teeth and sitting down on the dance floor. I get it, that shit’s sometimes fun, but it’s also a huge hassle and you know people are in it just for the presents. And this couple accidentally let everyone know that.

The wedding’s already happened, and I bet the couple probably feels a little embarrassed that they spent lots of money on a beautiful invitations — with, what is that, a hairy clam purse? Is that a hairy clam purse on this invitation? Where does one get that kind of thing? — and ended up looking greedy. But you know what? It’s actually pretty refreshing. I would totally respect a couple who just asked for a present and then skipped the entire wedding thing. I’d send an Amazon gift certificate and feel pretty good about myself. Wouldn’t you? Let’s start a revolution! (Except you have to come to my wedding. The first song will be “In Your Eyes” by ~~Debbie~~ Deborah Gibson.)