Things to Consider Before Sleeping With Your Ex

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As you read this, countless people are considering, engaging in or cleaning up from sex with their exes. You dear reader, may just have sent a booty call to an ex-flame. Or maybe you just received one. Some of you, and you know who you are, are reading this in a post-ex-coitus haze. Ex-sex is something constant and omnipresent. It spans time and transcends space.


Is that a good thing? Yes, according British Youtube "star" and blogger Emily Hartridge, who has just released a video called "You should have sex with your ex....10 Reasons Why." The video — which is occasionally funny, occasionally stupid and occasionally not — is no masterpiece. But it does capture a bunch of reasons (10 to be precise) why people have sex with her exes. Let's review and evaluate them, shall we?

It's easy and convenient:
Well, that could be true, if you're in contact with your ex, if your ex lives near by and at least one of you isn't too lazy to leave home.

You already know what each other is like in bed.
Yeah, but what if the ex isn't that great in the sack? Plus the element of surprise, novelty and anticipation is gone. Yes, this could make for a more comfortable (and, in turn, pleasurable) encounter. But it could also make for a more boring encounter.

You can tell them to stop if you don't like what they're doing.
Yes, but hopefully you are comfortable and assertive enough to tell anyone you're having sex with, be it your ex or otherwise, to stop doing something you don't like. Are you really going to lie there quietly while someone (especially someone you don't know well) blows on your toes or tickles your nipples? Express yourself, girl!

It's an excuse to check whether they still have loads of your stuff from when you broke up.
Well, yeah, maybe if the sex takes place at their house and not yours. But your stuff may not be in plain sight and snooping around pre- or post-sex is kind of sketchy. And what if the sex is at your house? Let's be honest: you may want to hold onto that ipod or sweatshirt your ex left behind. And now you have to say goodbye to that stuff. All for one dosage of ass.


It's a good way to practice your new "moves."
OK, this is a good reason. You get to practice without scaring off a new partner if the moves suck or somebody loses an eye.

You don't have to care what their housemate thinks anymore.
Being broken up doesn't give you license to be an asshole to your ex's roommate. Neither walking around naked nor leaving a dump in the toilet is suddenly acceptable now that your relationship is over.


They might have become a lot hotter since the breakup, so it's like sleeping with a new person.
Yeah, but they also may have got a lot less hot since the breakup. And now you're stuck having sex with someone you're less attracted to or making up a reason to get out of it. Try not to say, "It's me, it's totally not you or the fact that you're a lot uglier than you were when we were dating."

There's a greater chance of having a threesome, because you don't care if it ruins your relationship.
If a threesome is a life-long goal, I guess this could be seen as a reason to hook up with an ex. Though I don't have the stats on the increase in threesomes among exes, some couples have threesome-proof relationships and can survive a menage a trois just fine, thanks.


You don't have to care what you look like in the morning because your ex has already seen you at your worst.
Hopefully you're not some kind of post-sex morning monster. And even if you are, you're gonna have to get over that some time. What are you supposed to do? Never have sex with someone new ever again? Maybe you can just cover your face with a pillow in the morning and dramatically scream, "Don't look at me! I'm hideous!"

You finally get to utter the words, "This is just sex, no strings attached."
This last reason is the most problematic because it assumes that sex with an ex is some kind of purely physical interaction, devoid of any emotional consequences. It certainly can be. But it isn't always. Moreover it assumes that you never have NSA sex otherwise. That's a pretty big leap.


Naturally, for every questionably good reason to hump your old flame, there are some reasons not to. Our list:

You're not over him or her.
Hooking up may open up old wounds, insecurities, and god knows what else. A good way to figure out whether it's emotionally safe for you to have sex with your ex is asking yourself how you will feel if you don't hear from them afterwards. If the answer is used, sad, disappointed, vulnerable, homicidal or anything in the unhappy-angry-psychopathic range, do not knock boots.


The sex is really good.
Maybe you are finally over your ex, hurrah. But then you have this great sex and are reminded of what you're missing out on. And all the getting-over-the-ex is potentially undone. Or maybe you'll fall back into a relationship you shouldn't be in just for the sake of the good sex.

The sex is really bad.
Duh. Why'd you even bother?

The ex is an asshole.
Maybe the ex treated you so badly during the relationship or breakup that — for the sake of yourself and morality and justice and all that is good in the world — you cannot possibly sanction his behavior by rewarding him with sex.


You're looking for a new relationship.
If this is the case, you could be meeting a new person! But instead you're wasting time having sex with someone who is an emotional dead-end.

You're not looking for a relationship but are looking for an orgasm.
Okay, we'll give you a pass on this one. But you have alternatives. See here.


Image by Jim Cooke.


The Real Janelle

Yeah, no. Don't. I am telling myself this because he realized ~he loves me~ and is trying to win me back and I SHALL NOT SEX HIM. That will be the end of me.