These Jeans Have a Secret Hiding Place for the Penis and Nuts

Illustration for article titled These Jeans Have a Secret Hiding Place for the Penis and Nuts

Men. Are you tired of "scrunching, squishing, squashing or splitting" the goods when you try to wear pants? Are your skinny jeans so tight that you're now a natural soprano? Do you have to store your dick in your butthole so you can squeeze into your favorite khakis?


Well, what if a pair of pants was designed with a pouch for your delicate dong and its tender twins! Would you be into that? This is a serious question?

Octavio Marc David Silva, creator of the Hot Child Junk jeans, think you would be. He writes on his Kickstarter:

This is not rocket science. It's simply the long overdue correction in a design flaw that we as men have been enduring for many decades. The Hot Child Junk, jeans are made for all of us. They are no more different than how the fashion industry caters to a woman's anatomy, (darts in blouses, bras, etc.)

I personally got tired of being uncomfortable. So for the past six years I have been working feverishly towards this goal with an amazing team of people. Building the perfect jean, finding the perfect weight of denim, with just the right amount of Lycra (2%), to make them exquisitely comfortable. But the real trial and error was the design of the contour in the fly, even down to the rounded gusset (diamond shaped fabric piece)) underneath the crotch, so that a man's anatomy will fall forward into the contour/pouch naturally, and not be forced to either side as they are accustomed to.

OK, the idea isn't terrible (I don't think? Gentlemen, is this a real problem?), but the design with the buttons running the length of the penis is... decidedly Miami. I'm just not sure if this unique look is for every man. However, maybe with the success of the trouser snake-housing trousers, we'll see more designs in the future?

[Kickstarter, via Daily Dot]


Stephan Zielinski

Mmm. Shiny buttons. Very frobbable. I think there's a specific market in mind. Hint: out here in San Francisco, I've seen trousers with front pouches before— and they were not being worn by refugees from infomercials. (You know, dudes who at one point in their lives found themselves lying on the ground shrieking "My testicles! There HAS to be a BETTER WAY!")

With regards to trousers incorporating stretch denim and crotch gussets for additional flexibility, I liked them better back when Chuck Norris was pushing them. Image is from Branded in the 80s: The Essential Action Jeans, 1977-1991.. The ad itself is from 1985.