Image: Brawny

Happy International Women’s Day...... from your favorite brands, products, and public relations ephemera. What grew out of a movement of militant women socialists has, at least in the United States, turned into a a saccharine holiday about jamming the word “her” into weird places and trying to sell women things. 

Please join us in this journey of consumer empowerment.


Brawny solved structural inequality and coercive social norms around gender by turning the Brawny Man into three women. This is truly a missed opportunity for BrawnSHE:

Subject: Celebrating Women’s History Month: Brawny Unveils Multigenerational Survey & Anthem Film, Replaces Man with Female Packaging

Hi [Redacted],

I wanted to touch base with a story opportunity around Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day.

To recognize these important occasions, Brawny has launched the fourth year of its celebratory campaign called #StrengthHasNoGender. The campaign highlights strong and resilient women past and present – both young and old – who have overcome adversity and broken barriers. With the help of an all-female creative production team, the inspiring work of trailblazing females throughout history is brought to life through a powerful anthem film on Brawny® digital channels.

[...]

Best,

[Redacted]

Thankfully, E! took it. Thank you, SHE!:

Screenshot: Newsweek

Walmart is slowly rolling out their IWD social media coverage on Friday by celebrating “lady bosses.” Get inspired by Walmart, ladies:

Advertisement

(They’ve also built an entire website celebrating the “Women of Walmart.”)

Fashion Nova (hi old friend) wants you to know the future is female and it begins with you...... buying something from their Babe Power Collection:

Advertisement

And for the music fans out there, Spotify wants you to celebrate with “this very special Teen Party” playlist. This is my feminism:

Screenshot: Spotify

Advertisement

Nothing makes me feel more empowered than a discount:

Advertisement

Not to be outdone, Uber did the absolute least and thanked the three women who worked with their brand:

Advertisement

No adult should drink milk. And really truly no adult should drink chocolate milk:

Subject: EmPOWER Hour/Mia Kang Video for International Women’s Day

Hello [Redacted],

In honor of Women’s History Month, BUILT WITH CHOCOLATE MILK will celebrate women who fight for what really matters.

With such a strong roster of female athletes on Team Chocolate Milk, we’re asking all of them to take time to celebrate themselves, and the women in their lives, and also to share what they fight for. They put in real work, real recovery and real focus into what really matters every day.

[...]

I wanted to make sure you saw this inspiring content, and to see if you had anything in the works that we might be able to support you on – anything re: empowerment, women in sports/fitness, etc.? I’m happy to put you in touch with one of our Team Chocolate Milk athletes (including Rinny Carfrae, Alison Tetrick and Natalie Rizzo) and share more information on chocolate milk’s recovery benefits.

Please let me know if you have any questions, and if you’re interested in additional assets.

Thanks!

[Redacted]

A medical tech brand called Lumenis launched something called the #NoMoreStretchMarks campaign specifically designed for IWD, which of course was started by militant socialists concerned about stretch marks:

Advertisement

Damn, the gig economy content is particularly bleak:

Advertisement

Budweiser tried to reimagine its vintage misogynistic advertising and instead commodified feminism in a new and inventive fashion. Each new “empowerment” ad is centered around women having money? Some gender studies class is going to have a field day with this:

Advertisement

And while this is technically for next Friday, these spicy Supreme Court justice-themed hot sauces were released suspiciously close to IWD:

Subject: celebrate RBG’s birthday with our new Supremely Hot Sauce!

Hi There!

I’m writing from unique gift shop, AlwaysFits.com, with a supremely hot announcement!

From the folks that brought you the viral sensation, Golden Girls Hot Sauce (us!), comes … Supremely Hot Sauce! Hot sauce that celebrates three incredible supreme court justices: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor & Elena Kagan! Their dissents are scathing, their intellects are on fire and now they’re hot sauce!

Launched TODAY, March 7th – the perfect addition to your readers at-home RBG Birthday party! Justice Ginsberg will be 86 years old on March 15th

- The hot sauce is available in 3 bottle styles and flavors: Roastin’ RBG, Scathing Sotomayor & Kickin’ Kagan.

Advertisement

And here’s a promo pic of the sauces, for good measure:

Screenshot: AlwaysFits.com

Advertisement

I feel empowered, already.