These $50 Tights Will Make It Look Like Glittery Wax Is Melting From Your Crotch

I don’t know, these might be just crazy enough to work. Or, they might be something that Hot Topic masturbated onto a goth Dickensian street urchin and then decided they hated. Like, if Les Mis was set in S.F. in the early 90s and it was produced by Urban Decay, Fantine mos def woulda sported these beasts.

Anyway, they’re available through new-ish clothing label URB, and the more I look at them, the more I’m not gonna lie, I’m eyeing the pair in Funky Latex Multitone Bubblegum, which is obviously my new nickname because why the fuck not. If you need Funky Latex Multitone Bubblegum, you can find her tramping around a high school trying to Josie Grossie the shit out of a hot French Canadian teacher.