There's Been a Secret White House Cat for Years

Today’s a Friday before a holiday weekend, which means that many journalists and other such people who write things for the entertainment/information of a indoors-bound readership (hi) are doing what’s known as “phoning it in.” But buried in a mundane-ish Wall Street Journal story about a fox living on the grounds of the White House that we’ve literally known about for a year is an incredible, earth-shattering revelation: there’s a secret White House Cat.

According to the deeply buried lede in this story, which should have been a longform investigation that was 100% about the Secret White House Cat, the Secret White House Cat wasn’t a presidential pet like Socks (the kitty pictured delivering an important press conference on, I don’t know, why laying down on computer keyboards is Good). Which somehow makes Secret Cat more awesome.

Smokey the gray cat seems to have hung around the White House the longest. Smokey was a sad-looking stray with a missing tail. He spent years wandering around the lawns, living off tuna fish from sympathetic White House aides. He died last year of old age.

There was a sad looking stray with no tail hanging out around the White House for fucking years and NO ONE TOLD AMERICA ABOUT IT?! Out of all the ways various Presidential administrations have let me down since I’ve reached an age of political awareness, somehow this transgression seems worst.

RIP, Smokey the Secret White House Cat. I’m sure you’re were awesome and I’m furious there aren’t pics of you eating tuna from the can on the AP photo service site.