It’s the referee. A sloth. Photo:Getty

Every year, Animal Planet offers the Puppy Bowl as counter-programming to the sports game with the CTE and the grunting and such. In addition to the lil’ puppers and their tiny, squidgy faces, this year’s games will include a sloth. Hm, what?

An unpopular opinion I have is that I don’t think sloths are cute. I find their long knife claws to be scary and things that move slowly really grind my gears. However the idea of a sloth being subjected to whatever happens on the gridiron of Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl sounded like a a bad deal for everyone involved.

Imagine my relief when I heard the sloth was the “referee’s assistant.”

Because I imagine it would be rude and also impossible to film the Puppy Bowl live, the show is pre-taped. The Los Angeles Times was on set and produced a delightful little piece that is a nice thing to read if you’re full up on thinking or reading about “chain migration” and nuclear war. All of the little angels participating in the Puppy Bowl come from shelters and rescues far and wide and are all adoptable. (The Puppy Bowl currently boasts a 100% adoption rate!)

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I personally believe that all puppies are created equal, and I would never deign to say one is better than the other, but I would like to draw attention to Mr. Wigglesworth, below.

WHO’S A GOOD SQUISHY ANGEL FACE. Image: Animal Planet

What a good Mr. Handsome! Such a squishy boy. Yes, you’d have to clean between the fat flops of his flesh folds with a q-tip because he’s a Sharpei, but wouldn’t it be worth it? Life is short. Adopt a wrinkly puppy. Thank you.