Theo James Still Hasn’t Confirmed Whether His ‘White Lotus’ Dick Was Real

When the ball drops and all is said and done for 2022, what will turn out to be this year’s greatest unsolved mystery in pop culture? Will it be why Mariah Carey held an umbrella during her Thanksgiving Day Parade performance for which there was no rain? Could it be what JoJo Siwa actually said to Candace Cameron Bure in their (now ongoing) feud’s supposed stalemate convo? Maybe, but my money is on whether or not Theo James’ lengthy penis, as revealed in the first episode of The White Lotus’ second season, is actually his own or the work of a fine sculptor.

If you have a working memory and taste for the finer things (like big dicks), you’ll recall that James’ character Cameron dropped his drawers within eyeshot of Harper (Aubrey Plaza), clearly to impress her. That he was able to show his length from behind was all the more impressive. Viewers took note! In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, James revealed that the first filmed version of the scene “was way too much.” He continued: “But then we kinda did a more subtle version…[Series creator/writer/director Mike White] toned it down.” He did not say whether or not that involved a prosthetic, which some assumed because a) Steve Zahn talked about using one during Season 1 of the show, b) The use of prosthetic penises on TV is well documented and widespread, and c) It seems insanely unfair that someone as good-looking and well-built as James should also be swinging a giant schlong. It happens! But it’s rare. Few storms are more perfect.

Which brings us to now. Vanity Fair recently published a short-ish profile of the British actor in which he discusses the scene and his quite proper distaste for “clickbait coverage” along the lines of the post that you are currently reading. Said James of the scene and the ensuing reaction:

“We’re all animals interested in the carnal and fascinated by desire—that scene was very specifically written and then talked about with Mike and I and Aubrey,” James tells me over Zoom from his North London home. Of the media coverage that followed, he adds, “To simplify it like that is to simplify the work of the show. When it’s reduced to the banality of single-headline clickbait, it is a bit frustrating.”

OK man. You show us a giant dick from behind, and we have questions. It’s natural. We’re animals interested in the carnal and fascinated by desire for weighty meat. Not all of us, but many. Our thirst for the truth (and other things) continues unabated.