The Worst Week of Your Life

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

Aside from September 11 and a few personal tragedies, including multiple parental divorces and a weird hospitalization, this is definitely the worst week of my life.


Before you tell us about yours, let’s take a look at the dumbest causes you and your peers ever supported.

Strangerwcandi was an anti-choicer, but they are forgiven:

I’m pretty embarrassed to admit this, but I was once anti-choice. I was a born-again christian asshole. I spoke at a dinner, there’s video of me at the age of 19 on a christian talk show, marched at an anti-choice event. I do my penance now by giving money every month to Planned Parenthood and having an abortion every chance I can.

32_Footsteps is responsible for the 2000 Florida recount:

I switched my voter registration from Florida to Massachusetts in 2000 (my senior year of college), comvinced that it’s not like my absentee ballot was going to matter much in Broward County.

The Bitterbitch fought for shitty lunch:

I was born into poverty in a super duper conservative state and lobbied HARD against free or reduced lunches at school, even for people who were worse off than we were, because my mom was hard core that we would eat nothing before accepting charity. And if I had to eat shitty lunches like a half piece of bread and some jello, then goddamnit everyone else did, too. And.... well, because I was extremely stupid. And now I have to go hermit in shame for the next 50 years.


And mcstabbypants fought to show their calves:

When I was in 6th grade, our school banned shorts for some reason. I got so mad I started to campaign to bring them back.

My class covered the school in posters decrying adults to be unfair and restrictive. The posters were adorned with pictures of angry or sad children and awkwardly drawn shorts. We even had a protest march in the cafeteria. If I recall, our chant, which I made up, was totally ripped off from the 1980s Nair commercial/60s song and went something like “Who wants short shorts? We want short shorts!”

Eventually the administration caved, either because they had been awed by our amazing protest or thought we were adorable or just didn’t really give much of a shit to begin with, so we got our shorts back.

That spring was the coldest on record, temps in the 50s all throughout June until it topped out at maybe 65 degrees. We all wore shorts, freezing our asses off because we had earned it, dammit. Nobody was long to take it away from us, not even Mother Nature. I’m sure the principal, teachers, and our parents all thought we were idiots.


Okay, there it is. Wallow away.

Senior Editor, Jezebel



I know I am not the only one who has spent the last 4 days blindingly drunk, but I actually called into work today just to specifically get crap housed again. I am a chef at a country club and I don’t know if I can make food for a bunch of Trump supporters anymore. I seriously don’t know if I can do it anymore.