The Spice Girls Will Spice Up Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's Wedding!!!

A song I hope the Spice Girls perform for Harry and Meghan’s first dance.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will wed under a shining sun and a bluebell sky in merry olde Englande on May 19. People will cry, everyone will buy a tea towel, and then, at some point during the festivities, the freaking SPICE GIRLS will PERFORM!!!


This blessed news was (maybe) accidentally revealed by Mel B. on Tuesday’s episode of The Real; Mel B said at first that she was indeed invited to the royal wedding, along with her other famous friends, Baby, Ginger, Posh, and Sporty. The invitation came in an official capacity, though Mel B. would not say if it came in a box—I’m imagining some version of the red box Claire Foy addresses in The Crown, but made of Royal Doulton china with Meghan’s new crest (does she get one?) sensually intertwined with Harry’s crest and overlaid with gold leaf—but regardless of how it arrived, it did.

Anyway!! Loni Love asked Mel if the Spice Girls will be performing and Mel B., already aware that she had said TOO MUCH, didn’t say yes, but didn’t say no either.

Many screamings happened and I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that Mel B. and her good friends the Spice Girls are performing at the Royal Wedding and everyone, including Prince Harry’s childhood self and Prince William’s old hair (see photo), will be very excited for that momentous occaison!!

Illustration for article titled The Spice Girls Will Spice Up Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's Wedding!!!
Photo: Max Nash (AP)

Some suggestions for the run of show, if the Spice Girls are taking requests. Harry and Meghan will wed to the dulcet tones of “2 Become 1", performed by a children’s choir, their sweet voices echoing through the rich acoustics of St. George’s chapel; they will be presented as man and wife to the adoring crowd to the bridge of “Too Much”—sung live by Sporty, natch!— and will perform a choreographed routine NOT to “Wannabe” but to “Stop.” The Queen will smile and pull tight on her gloves; Kate Middleton will urge Charlotte towards the dance floor. “Dance with your Aunt Meghan,” she’ll say through gritted teeth. “Dance. Now.

Senior Writer, Jezebel



Okay, completely gratuitous and superficial comment here, but here goes. I’m looking at the pic of young William and Harry. Do noses change that much as kids grow up? In the pic, Harry had this perfect little what we used to call “ski jump” nose, and now that he’s grown it points downward and looks just like William’s.