The Sacred Union of Bieber and Baldwin Is Legally Sealed

Illustration for article titled The Sacred Union of Bieber and Baldwin Is Legally Sealed
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Brace yourself, sit down, hold onto your butt, call a friend, pee, do whatever you need to do to prepare yourself for some earth-shattering news: TMZ reports that, unbeknownst to the world, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin have been joined in holy matrimony in the eyes of God and also the US government since last month. The almighty bonding manifested, reportedly, on September 13th, 2018, at the Marriage Bureau in New York City, New York, USA, on planet Earth, which has miraculously continued its rotation around the sun this whole time.

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But the news everybody seems to care about more is that they didn’t get the prenup, which means that this will last forever until one of them dies, in which case (at this exact moment) Hailey stands to inherit a reported $250 million, or Justin, a mere $2 million. According to TMZ, Justin feels that a postnup is not necessary.

Justin is very spontaneous, a source tells ET Online.

Caught by TMZ at the airport, Hailey’s uncle Billy Baldwin figures offhand he could raise $20 million in raffle tickets to the wedding for a “kickass charity.”

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Congrats to Justin! Congrats to Hailey! Congrats to a kickass charity!

Staff reporter, Gizmodo. wkimball @ gizmodo

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generalorgana
Help me Obi Wan whoever the fuck you are