The Royal Baby Has Gone Private

Illustration for article titled The Royal Baby Has Gone Private
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Prepare to see even less than a sliver of his right eyelid and nose bridge, because the royal baby is going private. Archie Harrison Montbatten-Windsor, if that is your real name... where art thou?


According to Celebitchy, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry allegedly want to raise Archie as a “private citizen” and plan to “shield him” from the public. Right now, he is the most famous baby on the planet. Like, Kim Kardashian-West and Kanye West just had a kid, who may or may not get stuck with the name Bear West, and no one gives a shit. They just want a full picture of Archie. And his parents have the audacity to want to shield him? It’s a no from me, dog.

From the tabloid:

The Sunday Times of London, citing sources close to the family, speculated that Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, the youngest member of the royal family, may be kept away from crowds of admirers — and will show up at only “big family occasions with his parents.” Proud dad Prince Harry has said he believes that combining private life with an official royal role requires a “tricky balancing act.”

A friend of Harry has said that privacy was more precious to the prince “than to almost any other member of the royal family,’’ the newspaper reported.

I get that. I do actually hope Archie has a wonderfully private life—lord knows he’s going to need it come adolescence. But also... my god, let us see the baby!



Maybe Hannah Brown’s season of the Bachelorette won’t be so bad after all? Or, more accurately, it will be such a nightmare, it’ll actually be kind of entertaining?

Entertainment Tonight followed Brown for a promo day recently, where she said things like, “I was the villain [on Colton Underwood’s season of the Bachelor.] I was the emotional trainwreck.” She wasn’t, at all? She was excruciating, but not villainous. Anyway, she also dropped this line, my personal favorite: “I have had sex, and Jesus still loves me.” Okay!


[Entertainment Tonight]

  • Kevin Hunter is pissed Wendy Williams has been discussing their divorce on her show but, uh, who cares? He doesn’t have any room to talk. [Hollywood Life]
  • Liam Payne is cosplaying as Harry Styles these days. I miss One Direction, too, dude. [Just Jared]
  • Brad Pitt went to Lena Dunham’s birthday party. [Page Six]
  • Big Sean and Jhené Aiko are definitely not dating again. [Us Magazine]
  • Lori Loughlin “strongly believes” she shouldn’t go to jail admit the college admissions scandal. Okay. [Entertainment Tonight]

URL: Senior Writer, Jezebel. IRL: Author of the very good book 'LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands from NKOTB to BTS,' out now.


Cheers Pink Ears!

“I have had sex, and Jesus still loves me.”

I’m guessing she went through the kind of abstinence sex ed where they pass around a wet lifesaver, or some other hard candy, and say look how gross and dirty having sex with more than one person makes you! Which I really despise, but good for her for getting over that guilt and shame.