The Queen of England Would Thank You to Keep Your Hands Off Her Nuts

Helpful tip if you’re planning to visit Buckingham Palace: Do not touch Queen Elizabeth’s snack stash because she will end you.

The Daily Mail reports that earlier today, as part of the ongoing News of the World phone-hacking trial, emails were read aloud from the paper’s royal reporter. And boy oh boy did he have a scoop: Bowls of nuts had been scattered around Buckingham palace for hungry wedding guests, but some naughty nellies got greedy. “Police on patrol eat the lot,” he wrote, adding, “memo now gone around to all palace cops telling them to keep their sticky fingers out.”

Supposedly her highness got so irritated she’d begun marking the bowls.

Seems it wasn’t simply about hospitality, either: “She has a very savoury tooth and staff leave out cashews, Bombay Mix, almonds etc,” the Guardian says the email added.

There’s absolutely no proof this story is true. In fact, the presiding judge called it “unfounded.” But it certainly sounds like something a terrifying great-grandmother would do.