The Queen Is Out and About With Some Sick New Teacups

Illustration for article titled The Queen Is Out and About With Some Sick New Teacups
Image: Steve Reigate (Getty Images)

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth has stepped outside of the palace for official duties for the first time in a year so either things are getting better or this is an omen of doom. Who can really tell at this point? After a year of strict Covid-19 lockdown and one very tense interview that reminded everyone the royal family is historically racist, the Queen went out on her first in-person task: Visiting the Air Forces Memorial in Runnymede “to mark the centenary of the Royal Australian Air Force,” Reuters reports. The appearance was all very dignified and sanitary with the Queen dressed to kill as usual. However, in her speech, she failed to mention a crucial piece of information that everyone the world over needs to be made aware of immediately.


That information is how, when, and where to buy the Queen’s 95th birthday collection of teacups and flatware. That’s right royal hypebeasts it’s time for the limited drop of some sick-ass cups, tea towels, and ornaments.

The set, released by the Royal Collection Trust last week, is currently available online at the Royal Collection Shop ahead of the Queen’s birthday on April 21st, shout out to my fellow Taurus. This collection is so pink and so floral it’s as if Barbie threw up onto some porcelain dishes, added a royal crest, and put a price tag on it. In other words, it is perfectly over the top.

Imperialism aside, it is a pretty big achievement for anyone to reach the age of 95 and still be “working” so while I will continue looking at the Queen with a bit of a side-eye, I can now do so while sipping a coffee from my dainty Queen-like “tankard,” which appears to be British for mug.


chocolate covered raisons d'être

So I went to the Royal Collection Shop site to look for something special. Nowhere could I find a Prince Andrew Total Immunity Agreement anywhere. Ah well...guess ya gotta know somebody for a gift like that.