The Only Wellness Hack That Makes Sense to Me Is Carine Roitfeld's Dedication to Vodka & Cigarettes

My roommate loves wellness trends—she drinks water and lemon every day, makes kombucha in our apartment, and tries to get me to eat vegetables. I appreciate her efforts to keep me alive, but the only wellness hack I will ever partake in belongs to 64-year-old fashion editor Carine Roitfeld, who credits her youthful looks to vodka and cigarettes.

In a paywalled The Times of London article (Page Six has a rundown), the former editor-in-chief of Vogue Paris hinted that she’s aged well not because of Botox and fitness trends, but because of good old-fashioned booze. Per Page Six:

Roitfeld does, however, enjoy a stiff drink, and “always pours herself a shot of vodka when she gets home,” according to the story. She also smokes two or three Marlboro Red cigarettes daily — and while she tries to abstain from sugar and gluten, she said, an occasional baguette is “not going to kill me.”

Roitfeld, who previously championed the all-important lifehack of peeing behind cars, is a genius. The no-sugar-or-gluten thing sounds like it sucks, but I am fully in for this daily vodka business. I’ve been trying to limit alcoholic beverages over the last few months, since apparently you’re supposed to be able to recollect your nights out by the time you’re 29, but it is fucking boring. A daily shot of vodka doesn’t even overstep the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s recommended one drink per day for women, plus vodka is made with grains, so it’s basically liquid Melba toast.

Science says the Marlboro Red cigarettes aren’t that great for you, but I’m sure you can sidestep it by Juuling instead, or by swapping the cigarettes for…another vodka shot? Yes, another vodka shot! This is so much better than lemon water! I am never eating a green thing again!

Full disclosure: I just ate a Fruit by the Foot for dinner. Please do not take any health advice from me.