Say goodbye to sadsacky-turned-sexier Zuckerbergian Charlie, Marnie's (Allison Williams') chewtoy on Girls (have you guys even heard of this show? Because like NOBODY talks about it). Actor Christopher Abbott and the Prince mustache he sports in his downtime have "abruptly" departed from the HBO show shortly after Lena Dunham and co. began working on Season 3.
"Chris is at odds with Lena," a source said. "He didn't like the direction things are going in, which seems a bit odd since the show put him on the map."
What was the offending storyline for Abbott? Does Charlie live-tweet his own late-term circumcision? Let Marnie attempt to shoot an apple off his head with a bow and arrow? Commit hara-kiri for not inventing Snapchat? Says his rep:
"[Chris] is grateful for the experience of collaborating with Lena, Judd [Apatow], and the entire ‘Girls' cast and crew, but right now he's working on numerous other projects and has decided not to return to the show."
A tattoo artist named Keith McCurdy a.k.a. Bang Bang inexplicably asked his friend non-tattoo artist Justin Bieber to ink him up last summer. It went how you'd expect.
Bieber, then 18, inked McCurdy's leg with a picture of a muscle-bound mouse, the "Believe" singer's cartoon alter-ego, and the word "Swaggy."
Bieber may be fined up to $2,000 for operating as an unlicensed tattoo artist. Refer above for McCurdy's punishment. [NYDN]
The day before former Nickelodion teen star, current Twitter-abusing cautionary tale Amanda Bynes turned 27, she was spotted on the streets of New York looking bedraggled with purple hair and those Adidas sandals people wear in public showers. OR WAS SHE.
In a since-deleted Tweet, she informed us that an ersatz Bynes was, in fact, on the loose. "My hair is blonde, I've never been a redhead! Somebody keeps posing as me! Check my photos on Twitter for up to date pictures!"
Holy crap, how long has Topanga been making YouTube dating advice videos? In this episode, Danielle Fishel sits in what looks like a blinged out fake cardboard living room of the Bachelor/ette franchise and doles out tongue-in-cheek advice to a girl who wants to ask her boyfriend to prom. Topanga informs us that she asked her boyfriend Lance Bass to prom, and then they got married and lived happily ever after, as we all know. [Pop Sugar]
Martha Stewart went on The Today Show and talked about that time she and Snoop Lion Dogg Cat Lemur Owl Field Mouse made brownies and talked about pot brownies. +1,000 for Natalie Morales awkwardly calling him "the Snoop."
Natalie Morales: We know how you and the Snoop are tight.
Willie Geist: Do you hang out a lot?
Martha Stewart: Oh yeah, I hang out with Snoop, [like] he has time for me. We, uh, like to bake brownies together.
Willie Geist: I bet you do.
Natalie Morales: What's in those brownies?
Martha Stewart: They're green, they're green actually.
Please click this. [I have no idea]
Over at La Guardia High School, Madonna's kid Lourdes Leon is dating Timothée Chalamet (The vice president's son on Homeland.) [Page Six]
A fan interrupted Jonah Hill on a date to give him the following bizarre news: "I buried my father today, and I just wanted to say you're gonna be one of the greats." Go ahead back to eating your tapas now. [Page Six]
It's clearly Fans Oversharing O'Clock.
"One woman rushed up to [Cyndi Lauper] and was pushed back by a photographer," said a spy, "but the lady yelled out, ‘I am not going anywhere! I lost my virginity to this woman's music!'"
I am guessing "True Colors" a la Save The Last Dance. [Page Six]
One Directioner Niall Horan got his braces off. Wear your retainer, Niall, or the whole thing was a waste. [The Sun]
Jada Pinkett Smith denies rumors that she and Will Smith have an open relationship, but "Will's his own man." [Gossip Cop]
"You can't have it all," says Isla Fisher. [Daily Mail]
And yet! [Radar Online]
Prince William and Kate Middleton will be Skyping with two homeless people during their trip to the Netherlands. [Mirror UK]
Diana Ross and Lisa Marie Presley will testify in the Michael Jackson wrongful death suit. [MSN]
Daddy Yankee's publicist says Daddy Yankee, creator of the bassline-heavy heterosexual touchstone "Gasolina," is not gay. [L.A. Times]
Ed Sheeran is "Switzerland" when it comes to Taylor Swift and Harry Styles [Hollywood Life]
Meet newly-pregnant Heather Morris's boyfriend Taylor Hubbell. [Us Weekly]
Richie Sambora has bowed out of Bon Jovi's next tour due to "personal issues." [Us Weekly]
That time Heidi Klum pulled her 7-year-old son Henry from a strong riptide? There are pictures now. (The one of the nanny's the best though.) [Us Weekly]
Nick Jonas totes isn't hooking up with Miley Cyrus, says Nick Jonas. [Us Weekly]
Jennie Garth wrote a column on a coupon website about how her family's frugal lifestyle. [Us Weekly]
Jenny McCarthy masturbates sometimes. [Page Six]
Avril Lavigne is naked with a teddy bear on the cover of her upcoming album. [NYDN]
Bradley Cooper's perm! [NYDN]