The Men Tell All and Say Very Little On the Latest Bachelorette

Illustration for article titled The Men Tell All and Say Very Little On the Latest Bachelorette
Screenshot: ABC/The Bachelorette (Fair Use)

The end is nigh: Tayshia Adams’s Bachelorette brings two episodes this week, beginning with the infamous shitshow known as “The Men Tell All.” But because this season is abridged—remember when Clare Crawley found the love of her life and got engaged in four episodes?—it’s something of a hybrid: before the losing contestants return to scream at each other, Monday night’s program began with Adams welcoming host Chris Harrison back to the show and a leftover one-on-one date from last week with Canadian wildlife enthusiast Blake.

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Adams and Blake, who appear to be devoid of chemistry, meet up with a Reiki and crystal master. It’s boring hippie bullshit, but they disrobe to read chakras and sit on one another, which is an easy and direct way to reveal that there’s nothing going on between them. She sends him home. I’m positive he’ll remerge on Bachelor in Paradise.

As soon as the date is done, Tayshia goes to the remaining men and sends Riley packing, though it is not totally clear why—she seems devastated by the decision, and he seems genuinely heartbroken. Bennett then joins the remaining men, to their surprise, and Harrison appears to tell the guys Adams has canceled the cocktail party and wants to go straight to the rose ceremony. Bennett and Noah, who should’ve been gone weeks ago, get cut. Ben, Zac C., Ivan and Brendan remain. My money is still on Ben to win it all.

Next up: a quick, 40-minute Men Tell All special, an unfortunate reminder that the drama this season was milquetoast at best, despite having two Bachelorettes and being filmed during a global pandemic. Ed reiterates his distaste for Chasen, a man he viewed as only there for “likes and social media gratification”—he did tend to use the same language to describe two different women, so Ed’s got a point. Demar comes to Chasen’s defense and says Ed spoke more about his distaste for Chasen than his appreciation for Clare or Tayshia, which is also accurate. Harrison then jumps to Noah and Bennett, asking why they couldn’t get along. Noah still thinks Bennett is pretentious (correct), and Bennett still thinks Noah was there to create a rift between the dudes (also correct).

Yosef returns—the villain from Clare Crawley’s month-long season—and refuses to apologize for screaming, using misogynist and ageist language against Crawley. Did anyone expect otherwse? He’s a narcissist.

Tayshia also shows up to talk to the men, but because she’s been perfectly honest and wholly uncontroversial all season, nothing really happened. And that’s fine because Hometowns take place Tuesday night and I’m ready to see parents poke holes in this fairytale bullshit! More Barbaras, please.

URL: Senior Writer, Jezebel. IRL: Author of the very good book 'LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands from NKOTB to BTS,' out now.

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