I gave up on CNN anchors a long time ago. They’re always yelling, there are too many of them talking at once, and the 65 different graphics on the screen are overwhelming. So it’s no surprise that I missed out on a true diamond in the rough sitting behind a CNN desk this entire time: Chris Cuomo. But is Chris Cuomo actually hot or do I just think it’s cute that he had an argument with his brother on national television?
Chris Cuomo, at 49, has the basic building blocks of a good-looking older person—good teeth, nice eyes, the beginning stages of graying hair, and he can pull off a suit. His voice has that low timbre of a man who spent his 20s on a diet of cheap whiskey and cigarettes. There’s also that accent that tells everyone he was born in New York, he’s just courteous enough to smooth it out a bit. He’s even got two rescue dogs, which is at least worth 2 million bonus points on the hotness scale. What really sealed the deal on his hotness, for me, is a video of Chris wearing a t-shirt and cargo shorts talking about I’m-not-sure-what, and gesticulating with his beautiful hands and muscular arms.
Chris Cuomo is fucking jacked. Being jacked isn’t a necessity for me when measuring hotness, but it doesn’t hurt. Perhaps I was distracted by his other successful siblings: Maria the film producer, Margaret the radiologist, and Andrew the governor. But I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time thinking that Chris Cuomo was not-hot. Chris is my favorite Cuomo son.