The Goopiest Advice From Goop's First-Ever Sex Issue

Illustration for article titled The Goopiest Advice From Goop's First-Ever Sex Issue

Last week, I tried to imagine what sort of advice Goop, health bible for Gwyneth stans, might promote in its first-ever sex issue. It finally came out on Monday, and I think that I was impressively close.

Advertisement

The issue features articles (mostly Q&As) on topics including “hormone-free tech” and the promise it has for better sex, a pelvic floor training app complete with a Bluetooth-operated sensor, and orgasms and healing, among others. The knowledge peddled by the newsletter ranges from inoffensive to outrageously specific, and offers answers to sexual questions you never knew to ask. Here are some bits of knowledge to take with you:

  • There is an erotic theater in Los Angeles called Snctm that requires male guests to be a member (which can range from $10,000-$50,000), be a part of a couple, or reserve dinner. Women can buy tickets and are the only people allowed to touch or initiate contact with another guest.
  • Most lube has parabens, which are endocrine disruptors. It is only 100% safe to use edible lube.
  • Apply Vitamin E oil or olive oil to your labia to “help moisturize and strengthen the vaginal tissue.”
  • Condoms have dairy in them.
  • Ideally, you want to find a vegan, paraben-free, glycerin-free, Nonoxynal-9-free, and benzocaine- and lidocaine-free condom.”
  • Goop’s favorite sex toys include a $395 vibrating necklace, a $535 Agent Provocateur cat whip, and a $15,000 gold dildo.
  • To increase your sex drive, make yourself aware of something called “background pleasure”: “If you move your shoulder and allow yourself to feel the rub of your shirt on your skin, or the brushing of your hair against your neck, those sensations are innately sensual, and pleasure that can be accessed anytime.”
  • Or, move your body in non-linear ways.
  • “Kegels are important at all stages of life.”

Read the entire issue here.


Image via Getty.

Senior Editor, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

screenmagnet
Screenmagnet

Chiming in here as a medical professional who also runs a sex shop:

Safe, paraben-free, glycerin-free lube brands I recommend: Sliquid, Hathor, Sutil, Intimate Organics, Blossom Organics.

Condom brands that use vegan latex: Kimono, Glyde.

Don’t do the oil thing on your labia if you are prone to UTIs. Oils are hard to wash off, and a layer of oil on your bits can harbour bacteria.

Scary fact about sex-toys: there is zero regulation, and many sex toys are made of unsafe materials that are prone to growing biofilm, or even worse, contain toxic phthalates. Stick to toys made of stainless steel, Pyrex glass, or silicone. NEVER buy PVC dildos because they contain phthalates. Rubber (TPR) toys don’t contain phthalates but they are porous so you can never clean them properly.

Unfortunately, because of the no-regulation thing, many toys are mislabelled, so just because it *says* silicone on the package doesn’t necessarily mean it is (I’m looking at you, Doc Johnson).

/PSA