Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

The Goopiest Advice From Goop's First-Ever Sex Issue

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Last week, I tried to imagine what sort of advice Goop, health bible for Gwyneth stans, might promote in its first-ever sex issue. It finally came out on Monday, and I think that I was impressively close.

The issue features articles (mostly Q&As) on topics including “hormone-free tech” and the promise it has for better sex, a pelvic floor training app complete with a Bluetooth-operated sensor, and orgasms and healing, among others. The knowledge peddled by the newsletter ranges from inoffensive to outrageously specific, and offers answers to sexual questions you never knew to ask. Here are some bits of knowledge to take with you:

  • There is an erotic theater in Los Angeles called Snctm that requires male guests to be a member (which can range from $10,000-$50,000), be a part of a couple, or reserve dinner. Women can buy tickets and are the only people allowed to touch or initiate contact with another guest.
  • Most lube has parabens, which are endocrine disruptors. It is only 100% safe to use edible lube.
  • Apply Vitamin E oil or olive oil to your labia to “help moisturize and strengthen the vaginal tissue.”
  • Condoms have dairy in them.
  • Ideally, you want to find a vegan, paraben-free, glycerin-free, Nonoxynal-9-free, and benzocaine- and lidocaine-free condom.”
  • Goop’s favorite sex toys include a $395 vibrating necklace, a $535 Agent Provocateur cat whip, and a $15,000 gold dildo.
  • To increase your sex drive, make yourself aware of something called “background pleasure”: “If you move your shoulder and allow yourself to feel the rub of your shirt on your skin, or the brushing of your hair against your neck, those sensations are innately sensual, and pleasure that can be accessed anytime.”
  • Or, move your body in non-linear ways.
  • “Kegels are important at all stages of life.”

Read the entire issue here.

Image via Getty.