On August 1, the attorney of Joanna Krupa sent a missive to People announcing that the long-running legal battle between the Polish model-cum-reality star and fellow model-cum-reality star Brandi Glanville had come to an end. Our nation’s “smelly pussy” nightmare was finally over.
But as Spanish philosopher and poet George Santayana once said, “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” And so, to avoid the “smelly pussy” lawsuits of the future, we revisit—in unfortunate detail—how this four year legal battle between two former Real Housewives came to be.
During the reunion for Bravo’s Real Housewives of Miami, Lisa Hochstein accuses fellow cast member Krupa of having sex with real estate mogul Mohamed Hadid, father of Gigi and Bella Hadid, while he was still with their mother, Yolanda
“Yes, I do believe they had sex. Adriana [De Moura] was told this by Brandi Glanville and Alexia [Echevarria] confirmed it,” Hochstein said. “I just don’t understand why she’s denying it. Why not tell the truth? Just because you slept with someone doesn’t mean you did something wrong. But again, everything she says is a lie. But I think, yes, 100 percent they slept together.”
Appearing that same night on Watch What Happens Live!, Glanville—then on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—told host Andy Cohen that Krupa and Hadid indeed slept together when he was married.
“Joanna had sex with Mohamed,” she said. “It was one of many affairs. It’s not the exact situation. But Mohamed and Yolanda are great now.”
Krupa was informed of Glanville’s accusation on Twitter as the episode aired. She responded in a tweet, writing, “No wonder her husband left her,” in reference to Glanville’s divorce from actor Eddie Cibrian who had an affair with singer LeAnn Rimes.
During the after show of Watch What Happens Live!, Glanville was told about Krupa’s tweet, leading her to fire back, “Well, Mohamed did tell me that her pussy smelled...I’m not lying. Lisa Vanderpump was there when he said it...Sorry, bitch. I win.”
(Glanville may have won the battle, but, as we’ll soon discover, she will not win the war.)
Puzzlingly and unnecessarily, fellow guest Mark Consuelos added, “I gotta say—not that I want to get involved in this, but I am—that as a guy, you can kind of tell that that might be right.”
This, of course, leads experts and historians to ask, “What the fuck are you talking about, Mark?” But some questions don’t have answers.
Mohamed Hadid responds to Glanville’s accusations, tweeting, “[Brandi] is such a scum and a foul mouth...Its a pure lie. I have never ever spoken to Brandi about Joanna. I would never speak of private parts.”
Lisa Vanderpump, who Brandi claims overheard the “smelly pussy” comment, tells Us Weekly, “I’m not going to involve myself in a public slanging match. However, when she says something so egregious about my friend Mohamid Hadid—and it’s gone everywhere—I don’t appreciate it at all.”
In a Bravo blog, Hadid’s ex wife Yolanda Hadid writes, “Joanna Krupa did not cause Mohamed and I’s divorce. Unfortunately infidelity did, but at this point, 12 years later, we have left that negative chapter behind and have moved on to be friends and are united parents to our children.”
That should be that. Krupa could have called Glanville an asshole, assured the public that her vagina was only the normal amount of smelly (or better yet, not addressed it at all), and moved on with her life.
Sadly, that is not what happened.
Glanville makes a mistake that will prove fatal (at least to her bank account). In a YouTube video (not even for basic cable!), she doubles down on her comments, referring to Krupa’s “odor situation.”
Krupa files a lawsuit against Glanville in Miami-Dade County, claiming she “knowingly made false and malicious statement that Mrs. Krupa had sexual relations with Mohamed Hadid while Mr. Hadid was in an intact marriage to Yolanda Foster” and—in what would become the hangnail of the lawsuit—that she was further slandered when Glanville referred to her vagina as “smelly.”
She sues for $2 million in damages.
Glanville goes on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM show and claims the “smelly pussy” comment was an act of retaliation.
“Well she called in and said ‘I see why your husband left you’ and that’s my Achilles heel,” she says. “Like, ‘Fuck you’ and I just, it comes out. It was a retaliation.”
[Note: As seen above, she did not call in. She tweeted.]
At this point, Glanville says the lawsuit has cost her $54,000.
With court proceedings underway, a judge signs an order requiring Krupa to hand over gynecological records to prove or disprove Glanville’s odor comments.
We ask ourselves how this saga is still ongoing and wonder if this isn’t one of the saddest examples of the Streisand Effect that we’ve ever encountered. Answer to both: We don’t know.
Meanwhile, Glanville asks the judge to throw out the case because Krupa hasn’t produces her gynecological records or flat out denied an affair with Hadid.
After what feels like a millennia, but was actually only four years (still too long), Krupa and Glanville settle their lawsuit. The terms of the settlement are not made public, but Glanville does issue the following apology through Krupa’s attorney Raymond J. Rafool:
“I want to apologize to Joanna Krupa for the statements I have made about her. I regret ever making such statements about Joanna Krupa; I also certainly never intended my statements to be taken so seriously and out of proportion. I apologize as I never wanted my statements to affect Joanna Krupa’s reputation and I wish her nothing but continued success in life.”
In what we can only hope is the conclusion to this drawn out ordeal, Krupa tells TMZ, “I’m very pleased [with the settlement] and I hope I can inspire other people to think before they speak, and for others to stand up for themselves if somebody, you know, spreads lies about them.”
Also: Someone, probably not Glanville, stole her passport.
Everyone—of all varying vagina odors—feels inspired.