Prepare thyselves for end times, readers, because the devil has returned and will soon set the world ablaze with eternal hellfire in which all of humanity shall suffer unholy, tortuous pain lasting for infinity.
The author of all sin and father of all lies announced his return to our miserable planet by revealing himself in the form of a $2,975 Dolce & Gabbana bag. Part of a collection entitled “Viva La Mamma” (Italian for “Long Live the Wicked One”) and almost certainly designed during a black mass, the hideous shoulder-slinging night terror of a fashion statement features simple cutouts of a mother holding the hands of her two daughters.
But though it initially appears to be a happy—albeit hideously drawn—scene, close examination of the mother figure reveals she is the only human not smiling. This is, of course, because she is Beelzebub in disguise, and will soon claim eternal ownership of the two precious souls in each hand, along with every human being on this soon-to-be scorched Earth.
Enjoy fall (the best season) while it lasts, because this year we’re skipping winter and spring and heading for an endless summer.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Image via Dolce & Gabbana / Giphy.