Illustration for article titled The Delight of Watching Top Woman Athletes Get Wasted and Talk Shit on Instagram
Screenshot: Instagram

Celebrity couple and sports icons Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe are doing quarantine right. While other famous people struggle to remain relevant by hawking wines or hosting podcasts (no one wants a podcast from Andrew Yang), Bird and Rapinoe have found their sweet spot with their new Instagram live show, A Touch More. The concept of the show is simple, Bird and Rapinoe get wasted while chatting on Instagram Live with their friends. The simplicity is what makes the show so great. They’re not forcefully trying to make anyone feel better or uplift the human spirit or angle for a late-night cable show: they’re getting drunk and talking shit. Something everyone wants to do with their friends on a Saturday night.

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Most recently the ladies hosted basketball star, Diana Taurasi, and her wife, WNBA assistant coach, Penny Taylor. The episode was four hours long and really highlighted the importance of having a fully stocked wine fridge for times such as these. The group of very tall women (and Rapinoe) discussed life under quarantine, fame, and that one-time Rapinoe barfed into a plant because she couldn’t hold the same amount of liquor as Taurasi and Bird. “We literally drank a village of vodka,” Taurasi joked, although I wonder if it wasn’t hyperbole at all. At some point towards the end of the episode, Rapinoe disappears and the only person concerned about her well being seemed to be Penny Taylor who interrupted every few minutes to ask, “Is Megan okay?”

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Megan, who had once again tried to keep drinking with her six-foot-tall girlfriend, was probably not okay.

As the night went on and the cups stacked up, the conversation turned to the future of the WNBA. Taurasi, who is 37, said she didn’t want to manage or coach when she retired, “I want to fucking own [a team].” Taurasi then went on a slurring tirade about her disappointment in “rich women” who have not invested in women’s sports. While any team would be lucky to have Taurasi as an owner, she made it very clear that she wouldn’t ever be interested in purchasing the Los Angeles Sparks saying, “Their organization is a shit show.”

The real highlight of the evening was Taurasi, Bird, and Taylor aggressively discussing the recent WNBA draft class as if they were all sitting together at a bar. “Who do you think is going to be the best player,” Taurasi yelled pointing at Bird, her fellow USA Basketball alum. “And you have to put a million dollars on it right now.” Bird chose Chennedy Carter, Taylor chose Satou Sabally, and Taurasi chose the number one overall pick, Sabrina Ionescu. Bird called Taurasi a “fucking pussy” for making the easy choice and I rolled off my couch and laughed for a solid thirty minutes. Whenever the WNBA season resumes, it’ll be a sight to see who will owe a million dollars, or if any of the women remember making this bet at all.

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The full four hours of drunken glory can be seen here, and newer usually shorter episodes of A Touch More can be seen Saturday nights on Sue Bird or Megan Rapinoe’s Instagram (they alternate weekly). Even for those who aren’t a fan of sports of any kind, A Touch More is a respite from every other show constantly preaching that “we’re all in this together.” Rapinoe and Bird aren’t with their viewers physically but are there in drunken spirit. Remember to BYOAlcohol.

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