Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis's 'Quarantine Wine' Is a Grim Prospect

Illustration for article titled Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kuniss Quarantine Wine Is a Grim Prospect
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Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are doing that thing celebrities do when they want to remind the public that they are still famous: Asking normal people to contribute to charity. But because Kutcher and Kunis are young hip people, they’re doing so by shilling Quarantine Wine instead of just tapping their wealthy friends for donations. The couple announced the wine on Kutcher’s Instagram page, sharing that “100% of profits from the wine will go to covid-19 response charities” and other groups focused on relief efforts.

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The wine, a 2018 pinot noir from Oregon, is being sold by Nocking Point Wines at two bottles for $50 (members of Nocking Point’s wine club can get it for $40). A description of the Quarantine Wine project on Nocking Point’s website explains that it was Kunis’s idea to create a “quarantine themed” wine to raise funds for relief projects with which she and her husband were already involved. The couple designed the label for the bottle and chose the wine after taste testing several options. Perhaps I’m not well versed enough in wines, but pinot noirs have never given off the subtle notes of isolation and impending doom that would probably be necessary components in crafting a wine that is “quarantine themed.” But then again, I also never spend more than $20 on wine so I could be missing out.

Wine enthusiasts can order their double bottles now but the website notes that the bottles will not be shipped until the first week of May, which is far too long to wait for any sort of alcoholic. beverage. As important as it is to support organizations that are doing relief work, it’s also nice to remember that small businesses, like say local wine shops, are suffering through the pandemic as well. If the goal is to get drunk and still feel good about it, consider donating some of that $50 price tag directly to an organization and spending the rest on three cheap bottles of pinot. Everybody wins.

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Arcanum Five

Translation: Nocking Point found a way to sell some wine that wasn’t moving that well on its own.