The Danny DeVito/Rhea Perlman Break-Up Is Even More Devastating than Will Arnett and Amy Poehler

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman have announced that they’re separating after 30 years of marriage, and I, for one, am taking it very hard. Like, seriously, universe? The one constant we’ve held on to for the past three decades—the one piece of concrete proof that every salt-shaker has its matching pepper-pot—and you’ve got to destroy it right before our very eyes? Right in the middle of our Saturn Return?!?!?!?! Not cool, universe. Not cool.

The twosome first got to know each other when both were coming up in the TV world, and were already a couple when Perlman landed one of her first notable roles as Zena, the girlfriend of DeVito’s character Louis DePalma on Taxi, before she shot to fame as sarcastic waitress Carla Tortelli on Cheers.

The diminutive pair tied the knot back on Jan. 28, 1982, after living together for 11 years. They have three children, 29-year-old Lucy, 27-year-old Grace and 25-year-old Jacob.

They have not announced a reason for the split. But I really hope it didn’t have to do with anything like this. [E!]

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I don’t know what this headline means, but it made me laugh: “Shyne Says Rick Ross Is ‘Obsessed’ With Him.” Tell me more!

“I ain’t mad. It’s just, I think he’s corny. … I have no respect for what he represents, for who he is, let’s just start with that,” the former Bad Boy rapper and Orthodox Jew said to MTV News on Monday (October 8). “The Black Bar Mitzvah, to me, you’re on me, you’re obsessed with everything Shyne. All of a sudden, you running with the Star of David and dudes is Jewish now all of a sudden?”

Seriously, I am not familiar with this feud and I do not feel like doing any additional research. But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying it very, very much. Dudes is Jewish now all of a sudden!!!!! [MTV]

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Kim Kardashian is reportedly “very upset” that former boyfriend Reggie Bush has spermily impregnated his new girlfriend. Because even though Kanye West is “the one,” Reggie is still the “love of her life.” Sounds complicated.

“Kim is very upset that there are reports out there Reggie has gotten Lilit pregnant,” the source says. “Kim had pressured Reggie for a very long time to get married while they were together because she wanted to have a family with him. Reggie just thought that Kim placed too much of a priority on her fame and reality television though and he wanted none of it. Reggie was a part of the Kardashian family for over five years and deep down Kim has always held out hope that they would end up together, even though she married Kris Humphries.

‘Kay. [Radar]

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• The eagle eyes over at the Daily Mail noticed that Lady Gaga didn’t look super pumped after watching a video of herself vomiting. Enjoyable quote: “At one point, the hat fell off her head, prompting an onlooker to pick it up for her.” [DailyMail]
• Literally everyone on earth watched Lifetime’s Steel Magnolias remake. [HollywoodReporter]
• Guy Ritchie is engaged to a pretty lady and here is her nipple. [Us]
• Robert Pattinson is “taking” New York TO BE HIS CHILDBRIDE. [E!]
• The Mindy Project got picked up for a full season! [LATimes]
• Brad Pitt wants to know where you are going. [TheCut]
• Conservative group One Million Moms [Who Are Bad at Counting How Many Moms They Actually Are] is up in arms about Jennifer Lopez‘s new “lesbian-themed TV show” The Fosters. [E!]
• Jerry Sandusky says he’s being victimized by sexy, sexy children. “Sandusky is scheduled to be sentenced tomorrow morning … and faces up to 400 years in prison.” Well then. [TMZ]
• Russell Brand talked to a woman. [JanetCharlton]
• Jennifer Aniston‘s engagement ring is bigger than a slightly smaller enormous engagement ring. [TooFab]
• “Illustrated Ke$ha memoir coming in November.” Comedians of Twitter collectively coming in their pants. [Yahoo!]
• Here’s the lady who’s going to write the Fifty Shades of Grey screeplay. [EW]
• My computer is refusing to play videos right at this second because it’s a dick, but as far as I can tell from this weird description, Nas made a music video starring the ghost of Amy Winehouse jamming with Phish? [StyleBlazer]
• Kate Middleton accidentally outed herself as a corporeal being subject to the inexorable march of time. GUH-ROSS!!! [NYMag]