Tampons Have Applicators Because Your Ladyparts are Filthy and Sinful

You know how shoving a tampon up your vulva isn’t the highlight of your month? Well, it could’ve been, but pesky Catholics thought your unnecessary pawing of That Which Is Most Sacred would get you too damn excited (correct!), so they added stupid applicators to ruin the fun.

The tampon that we know and love(?) today wasn’t invented until the 1930s, when John Williamson stuffed a condom full of the super-absorbent World War I bandages. However, some god-fearing folk thought that was a bit lewd:

Nor were some Catholics keen on what would be called digital tampons — because they were inserted by hand — and tampon makers, Vostral says, had to counter rather lurid allegations: “No, you can’t feel it. No, you won’t break your hymen.” In 1931, Earle Haas, a “crusty old osteopath,” according to [Under Wraps: A History of Menstrual Hygiene Technology author Sharra] Vostral, devised a telescoping cardboard applicator for tampons, thereby ameliorating the moral and hygienic concerns surrounding their use. Eventually, it would be sold as tampax.

There you have it, it was a tampon tantrum, and it resulted in things being worse for women. THANKS, FDR.