Color television wasn't widespread until, oh, the late 1960s. But don't think that stopped makeup brands from advertising their wares on black-and-white programming. They just had to get creative. Really creative. Weirdly creative.

According to this 1942 ad for Lux Soap, not only are your undergarments sentient — they're talking about you behind your back. At least now we know how the tabloids get so many scoops about what's going on in Jennifer Aniston's bedroom.

This wreath-shaped monstrosity is perfect for the frustrated 1960's housewife who wishes to express her disdain for her inlaws through her food. It's just like Like Water For Chocolate, but with more processed lunch meat.

Retro advertising was even more misogynistic than Mad Men makes it seem according to these 48 ads. Today's Axe commercials are gross, but at least they don't blatantly declare women are only good for cooking, cleaning, and occasionally killing.

Vintage Ads dug up this gem from 1953, back when "it's less than 15 cents per serving!" and "it's super easy to slice up!" were food selling points. Serve it to someone toothless that you love this holiday season.

That's the message behind this 1954 ad for Trushay hand softener. Annie's hands are so bad, the dog is giving her side-eye.

You know, just in case you forgot. Pink is for girls, silly! Also for girls? Showering in a barrel, apparently. [VintageAds]

What do you get when you cross Betty Draper with Lady Gaga? Whatever it is that Hoover Mom over here is wearing, apparently. [VintageAds]

Vintage Ads is currently running a "creepy kids in ads" contest, and, well, I'm going to have to vote for Creepy Baby-Dye-The-Cat-Blood-Red over here. Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

This German hosiery ad from 1959 tries to convince us of two things: one, that wearing these nylons will literally turn you in to a man magnet, and two, that wearing them may also turn you into a giant. [VintageAds]

"All you ladies might as well be warned right now: you're going to be the target for admiring eyes—and perhaps a few whistles too—in your slick new Chevrolet." Click to enlarge. [VintageAds]

Depression, deshmession: the women of 1936 had other problems. Like...what if you're not beautiful? And need the laxative to attain beauty? Are you allowed to take it, too? Hard times.

As we've seen in the past, vaginal odor as marriage destroyer is a pretty big theme in vintage advertising. This Norforms ad from 1953 fits right in. [VintageAds]

Girls, your Mystery Date has arrived. And if you're lucky, maybe he'll call you later, on your Dream Phone. Isn't he just the most, to say the least? [Vintage Ads]

I don't know which is more amusing: the intense sweatpants love in this retro Gap "action wear" commercial, or the fact that every article of clothing seen in said commercial can probably currently be purchased at American Apparel.

Perhaps the scariest thing about this implement (worn to bed for beautification purposes) is that the ad refers to it as "a new facial harness." Time to retire the old model, right?!

You know what? After seeing this vintage ad, I'm not really sure that I want to know what "makin' friends, Winnebago style," really entails. [VintageAds]