This Week in Tabloids: Women's Bodies Are Bad!!!!!
Welcome to Midweek Madness, where FUCK it’s only Wednesday.
It's October Third...
On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was. I said, “It’s October 3rd, the day we found out that Fan Bingbing owes…
Your Most Irrational Celebrity Nemesis
I’m going give it to ya straight: it’s been a nightmare news week. Instead of ruminating on shared self-care practices,…
Report: You May Only Enter Tom Cruise's Hotel Room Backwards
Here’s a fun and utterly ridiculous (aka perfect for a Friday) year-old rumor about the star of the season’s greatest…
Judd Apatow Claims Seth Rogen Had to Explain the Concept of Internet Porn to Tom Cruise
The real mission impossible is teaching Tom Cruise that internet porn exists.
Unfortunately, Mission: Impossible – Fallout Is the Best Movie of the Summer
It is with a heavy heart that I share the following news: Mission: Impossible – Fallout, the sixth entry in the Mission:…
Scarlett Johansson Vehemently Denies Auditioning to Date Tom Cruise
And honestly who wouldn’t?
Can We All Just Enjoy This Dumb Video of Tom Cruise Doing an Extra-Hard Skydiving Stunt
God, Tom Cruise sucks. Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to share with you this wonderful video of him jumping…
Here Are Some Fun Ideas for the Church of Scientology's New TV Channel
Xenu is coming to a TV near you.
The Wonder Years's Alley Mills Claims That the Show Was Cancelled Due to a Sexual Harassment Lawsuit Against Fred Savage and Jason Hervey
Alley Mills, who played the mom in The Wonder Years, tells Yahoo that the show was cancelled due to a sexual harassment…
Why Is Tom Cruise Lying Out of His Prosthetic Ass?
Over the summer, a shot of Tom Cruise’s bubble butt—as seen in the 2008 war film Valkyrie—made the rounds online, along…
Finally It Has Happened to Me: Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes Have Gone Public With Their Love
After four (4) years of passionately believing in Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes’ love as though Tinkerbell’s life…
The Tom Cruise Fake Butt Speculation Is Tremendous
A Twitter user has done the world a great public service in freeze-framing this moment from Tom Cruise’s 2008 WWII…
Here We Are With More Classic Photos of the Royal Family in Cars
Does the Daily Mail send a photographer to full-time camp out in the Buckingham palace parking lot? Because here are pre…
The National Enquirer Reportedly Claims That Calling Someone Transgender Isn't an Insult, in the Most Insulting Way Ever
Thanks to the National Enquirer, the courts will now rule on whether calling someone transgender is defamatory, accordin…
Tom Cruise Micromanaged The Mummy Into Sucking, Says Report
Last week, we asserted that the recent bomb The Mummy should have been about the freaking mummy. According to a juicy,…
Is Beyoncé Giving Birth At This Very Second?
Beyoncé is in labor or possibly/definitely already has babies right now (allegedly) according to the internet. Here are…
Tom Cruise Big in China
The movie The Mummy, which Jezebel thinks should’ve been about the freaking mummy, is earning the worst reviews in…
The Mummy Should Have Been About the Freaking Mummy
If you pay attention to pop culture, by now you have undoubtedly heard that Alex Kurtzman’s reboot of The Mummy is all…
Tom Cruise Is a Top Gun 2 Star
A sequel to Top Gun, the iconic 1986 “romantic military action drama” which happens to be the highest-grossing film of…