Everything is bigger in Texas, except the location of an upcoming Trump rally, which is teeny tiny by Texas standards.

Curious as to what Ted Cruz, one of the most detestable politicians in America, is up to these days? Well, when he’s not trying to maintain his senate seat in a tight race against Democratic challenger Beto O’Rourke, he’s getting heckled out of restaurants in Washington, DC, and spotted looking at photos of his…

Barf? In my bag? It’s more common than you think…

The New York Times obtained secret audio of a meeting attended by top Republican leaders this past Saturday, and my favorite tidbit is their speculation that Texas Senator Ted Cruz may lose his reelection bid because he’s not “likable” enough.

One of the only things I enjoyed about the 2016 presidential election was how much everyone fucking hated Ted Cruz. Somehow, even with the tonsil stones, Zodiac killer rumors, and Craig Mazin tweets about Cruz’s college masturbation habits, Cruz managed to stay in the Republican primary race until the very end. But…

A new poll from Emerson College places incumbent Republican senator and mutated blob fish Ted Cruz just one point ahead of his Democratic challenger, Congressman Beto O’Rourke, setting them at a statistical tie. It’s just one poll, but damn I hope it makes Ted Cruz feel like shit!

Democratic Congressman Beto O’Rourke is running to unseat Ted Cruz in the Senate, and he’s cleaning the fuck up. In the last three months alone, O’Rourke has brought in $6.7 million, from 141,000 individual contributions, according to the campaign.

Ted Cruz, our favorite butter cow-loving senator from Texas, dropped some serious snark at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Thursday. In conversation with Ben Domenech of The Federalist, the two eased in to a conversation about gun control with...The Simpsons.

How insensitive of them, you know?

It’s been a minute since Ted Cruz has humiliated himself in a disgusting way (see: white thing on mouth), but my god, was this one ever worth the wait. Around the witching hour of Tuesday morning, when all but a few stalwart tweeters were sound asleep, @tedcruz was discovered to have liked a porn tweet.

Hours after infirm, irony-resistant Senator John McCain cast a decisive vote in favor of debating destroying health care access for sick and injured people on Tuesday, that discussion kicked off with a firm rejection of Republican policy.

An “absolutely toxic co-worker,” “singularly dishonest,” “smarmy,” and a “sociopath”: these are just a few of the ways that Senator Al Franken describes Senator Ted Cruz in his new book, Al Franken: Giant of the Senate.

Earlier today, Donald Trump met with two dozen manufacturing CEOs to talk about things that have to do with manufacturing, probably. But as soon as the CEO of Campbell’s introduced herself, Trump seized on the opportunity to take away perhaps the only thing Ted Cruz has ever loved—his beloved Campbell’s Chunky™ Soup.

Remember when things were fun? I sort of can if I push all my anxieties way down and try to pretend like reality is a dream. So let’s do that now. Because as of yesterday, it has officially been one year since the single greatest two minutes of the entire election: Ben Carson’s big walkout disaster.

Senators Bernie Sanders and Ted Cruz, two people the country wanted as their president even less than the two options we ended up with, will waste everyone’s time and whittle away at the precious supply of sanity we have left with a televised debated about the future of Obamacare.

“It’s really hard for a lot of conservative women to contemplate the idea of feminism because it’s been so owned by liberal democrats pushing very progressive policy ideas,” Amanda Carpenter, a CNN contributor and former communications aide to Sen. Ted Cruz, said in a Washington Post video released yesterday. But…

Not two months after declining to endorse Donald Trump, Ted Cruz has endorsed Donald Trump—the man who insulted his wife, questioned his integrity and owned him so thoroughly that just about the only thing he had left was his grubby endorsement.

If Ted Cruz doesn’t jerk it to this headline, I’ll eat $100.

Welcome to ConBag, a daily roundup of gossip from the Republican National Convention, which we are attending for four very long days.