Ted Cruz Claims That One Person Likes His Beard
Ted Cruz grew out a beard and the world recoiled in disgust. Now, Cruz claims that his “good friend” (definitely real)…
Something Is Growing on Ted Cruz's Face
What is this? I don’t think “beard” is the right word. It looks more like a heavy dusting of grime settled over the…
Where Texas Goes Next
HOUSTON, TEXAS—Shortly after 9 p.m., when MSNBC announced that Beto O’Rourke would not be the next senator for the…
Ted Cruz Holds on to His Senate Seat For Now
Ted Cruz is predicted to hold on to his Senate seat. The unexpectedly tight victory brings an end to a race that…
End Days in Texas
HOUSTON, TEXAS—On the Monday afternoon before Election Day, a specter was haunting the Creekwood Grill, a barn-like…
Young Immigrants Are Getting Out the Vote for Beto O’Rourke: 'You Can Be Our Vote, Our Voice’
HOUSTON, TEXAS — On the Saturday before election day, Hector Angeles, 20, and Oscar Cedillo, 17, were knocking on doors…
Beto O'Rourke's Punkness, According to Texas Punks
HOUSTON, TEXAS — “This isn’t punk at all,” Goretooth said from behind the bar at White Swan Live, as he listened to…
Ted Cruz Made Heidi Cruz Play an Aladdin Song at Their Wedding
And here we have The Atlantic with a profile of Heidi Cruz, which I guess is supposed to humanize her and her terrible…
Ted Cruz and Donald Trump Have Found an Ideal Location for a Hellmouth to Open Up and Swallow Us All
Everything is bigger in Texas, except the location of an upcoming Trump rally, which is teeny tiny by Texas standards.
Time for Some Ted Cruz News
Curious as to what Ted Cruz, one of the most detestable politicians in America, is up to these days? Well, when he’s…
A Recent History of Ted Cruz Trying and Failing to Be Likable
The New York Times obtained secret audio of a meeting attended by top Republican leaders this past Saturday, and my…
David Hogg Got People to Donate $10K to Post Up a Giant Trump Ted Cruz Tweet in Texas
One of the only things I enjoyed about the 2016 presidential election was how much everyone fucking hated Ted Cruz.…
O'Shit, Beto Is Within 1 Point of Ted Cruz Now
A new poll from Emerson College places incumbent Republican senator and mutated blob fish Ted Cruz just one point ahead…
People Hate Ted Cruz $6.7 Million Much
Democratic Congressman Beto O’Rourke is running to unseat Ted Cruz in the Senate, and he’s cleaning the fuck up. In the…
Ted Cruz Compares Democrats to Lisa Simpson, Doesn't Realize It's a Compliment
Ted Cruz, our favorite butter cow-loving senator from Texas, dropped some serious snark at the Conservative Political…
Congressman Recovering From Gunshot Wound Scolds Democrats for Gun Control Efforts
How insensitive of them, you know?