Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we search for hot, delicious morsels of truth in the bread baskets of In Touch, Star, Ok!, Life & Style and Us. This week, Mariah Carey invites us in to gawk at the elaborate nurseries created for her unborn twins; the lady who agreed to marry the robot from The Bachelor is…

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, your friendly neighborhood tabloid roundup. Today, Pax Jolie-Pitt has a BlackBerry, Christina Aguilera is a lush, and Jennifer Aniston is adopting a child from a Mexican orphanage. We're betting she'll name her "Margarita"!

This very special episode of Midweek Madness is better late than never!

Sorry guys, our go-to newsstand had no issues today, due to the snow! Your regularly scheduled tabloid roundup will appear as soon as possible.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I celebrate the new year by marveling at the fact that Angelina and Brad got married on a beach in the Indian Ocean and kept it a secret.

Great shot, which the WOW Report brilliantly filed under "choose your own adventure."

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Today we learned that Kate Middleton will always have to walk a step behind Prince William, that Britney staged a photo op while on vacation in Mexico, and that Jennifer Aniston still loves whatshisname.

Welcome to a Very Special Episode of Midweek Madness, in which we have very little patience for crappy, recycled gossip and really just want to sleep late and eat sweet potato pie.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I sniff the tabloids, searching for the sweet aroma of gossip. Today, Tony Parker's accused of sending "hundreds" of suspicious texts, while Angelina and Brad prepare for a New Year's wedding.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we attempt to satisfy our cravings for "news" with the weekly tabloids. This week: Pregnant Mariah can haz cheeseburger; Heidi and Spencer mooch off his parents; and Tish Cyrus is the "ultimate groupie."

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, your friendly neighborhood tabloid roundup! Today we learn about John Travolta's (literally) steamy gay sex; how Jennifer Aniston's been "sport fucking" some dude; and the alleged size of The Situation's penis. (Small.)

Welcome to Midweek Madness! In today's tabloids, we see nude photos of Ms. Jolie, learn Katie Holmes is pregnant again, and discover Lindsay Lohan's a "crybaby" who's figured out a way to cut herself while deprived of sharp objects.

Today in Midweek Madness, celebs feel the sting of having an ungrateful child: Tom Cruise's daughter hates him, Mel Gibson turned his kids into drug addicts, and Sarah Palin isn't speaking to Bristol... because Alaskans don't own cell phones.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we get cozy with In Touch, Ok!, Life & Style, Us and Star. This week: Lindsay's suicidal, Bristol's engaged, Aniston's a mom and Kim's hot.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Today in the celebrity weeklies, Angelina "storms out" on Brad in a shocking reversal, a Real Housewives mystery is solved, and we check in on the uteri of half the ladies in Hollywood.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! The tabs cooked up delicious stuff today: Is Kate Middleton pregnant? Does Bobby Flay's wife know he's seeing January Jones? What will Heidi Montag look like at 64? Are Glee's Artie and Tina in love?

So much drama today in Midweek Madness! There might be four SATC flicks; Heidi Montag's a prisoner in her own home; Lindsay Lohan's telling her little sister to get a nose job and implants, James Franco's student film features penises.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where instead of Duck Duck Goose, it's Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Twilight. Margaret assists in the deconstruction of Star, Us, In Touch, Life & Style and Ok!, after the jump.

It's Wednesday, so this is Midweek Madness, our tabloid roundup. Star was the only rag without Michael Jackson on the covers this week, maybe hoping people prefer "Beach Bodies" to untimely death? Step inside for more weeklies, after the jump.