“Oh wait, bobsleigh, bobSLEIGH!!!” cried Team Football’s Ellie Shechet as the timer ran out, solidifying a solid, but not winning, performance in Wednesday’s competition.

For the first time in history, Saudi Arabia will open some of its sports stadiums to women, the latest move by one of the world’s most restrictive countries to incrementally loosen its grip on its female citizens.

Heather Connor is a 26-year-old personal trainer and powerlifter from North Carolina. She is also the 2017 International Powerlifting Federation’s Open Raw World Champion, yesterday beating out 12 other women from countries around the world with her raw power and propensity to like, yelp, while lifting a bunch of…

As I type this, my downstairs neighbor is blasting Slayer and concocting something in an outdoor smoker that can only be described as “succulent.” I don’t know what it is, but the smell alone is sending shock waves of hunger and envy through my body in a way that’s borderline erotic.

At times such as these, when everything is going to shit, my only hope is that the unyielding justice of this court can stand tall as a pillar of sanity and side-eye to all the dimwitted chaos the devil is raining down upon us. Welcome to Shade Court.