White House Staff Banned From Using Personal Cell Phones At Work
The White House, the belly of an aging, pugnacious beast, has instituted a policy prohibiting staffers and guests from…
'Security Moms' on Fox News: We Shouldn't Talk About Russia Because 'Families' Don't Care
Fox News, the channel playing in a marble-and-gold bathroom while the president enjoys a six-hour bowel movement, has…
Donald Trump Is Still Employing a Private and Sometimes Violent Security Team
Before the election, crusty Jello mold Donald Trump employed an enormous group of aggressive private security officers,…
It Looks Like Trump's National Security Advisor Played Peekaboo with Classified Info
Retired Army lieutenant general Michael T. Flynn lived a life before he was selected by Donald Trump to serve as his…
Kim Kardashian's Bodyguard Pascal Duvier Has a Very Informative Twitter
Pascal Duvier is a very large German man who protects Kim Kardashian and Kanye West from groping “pranksters” and other…
St. Jude Brain Tumor Patient Is Injured And Arrested After TSA Encounter
A nineteen-year-old brain tumor patient was returning home on June 30, after her last treatment at St. Jude Children’s…
Disneyland, Disney World and SeaWorld All Increase Security, Begin Using Metal Detectors
Several of the biggest theme parks in the United States are increasing their security measures because of recent mass…
New York City Government to Spend $20 Million on Security Guards for Private, Sectarian Schools
New York City private and parochial schools with at least 300 students will soon be guarded by taxpayer-funded security…
If You're From One of These States and Planning to Fly in 2016, LOL Sorry
Attention driver’s license holders from the great lands of New York, Louisiana, New Hampshire, Minnesota, and American…
Flying Without an ID? Chill TSA Agents Will Take Your Costco Card Instead
A little known and surprising fact about the nightmarish hoops one must jump through at the behest of the TSA: You can…
Regal Cinemas to Check Bags Nationwide in Wake of Theater Shootings
Movie theater chain Regal Cinemas has begun checking the bags of all patrons entering their movie theaters, following a…
Hillary Clinton To Give Justice Department Entire Private Email Server
Hillary Clinton will turn over her entire private email server to the Justice Department, a campaign spokesperson confir…
The TSA's Instagram Feed Is Hilarious and Informative
The Transportation Security Agency has long been maligned for making us take off our shoes and go through a metal…
TSA Is Terrible at Reading Body Language
Everyone kind of sucks at reading body language, but TSA definitely sucks at it, considering they've spent almost $1…
Body Odor ID System Is the Next Generation of Disappointing Tech
If you think the future is going to bring us all awesome hover boots, weird sexrobots, and spaceships capable of…
Bumbling TSA Agent Accidentally Spills Grandpa's Ashes All Over Airport Floor
At this point, it's beginning to seem like the TSA needs to create a new agency—the Dignity Protection…
Wouldn't We All Secretly Like to Turn the Tables on a TSA Agent?
Today in perversely satisfying news: A 59-year-old woman was going through security at Southwest Florida International…
Can an App Actually Stop TSA Racial Profiling?
A new app will allow people to report alleged racial profiling by the TSA in real time.
TSA Screenings to Be Slightly Less Gropey
Complaints of TSA agents getting way too up close and personal while searching passengers have sprung up from virtually…
What's TSA for 'Vagina'?
Just as male politicians attempting to enact legislation that governs the "intrapants marital familiarity area" seem…