Ten seconds? Three seconds? Until a banshee appears from the darkness and pulls you into the void, screaming the entire way down? Only one way to find out!

Rudy Giuliani, a restless ghoul who haunts the White House, does not trust the New York Times or, for that matter, any piece of text. Must be hard.

This would be a scene out of teen dystopia fiction if it weren’t the most ghastly pants-crapping in the history of television. Rudy Giuliani, who has muddled through his entire stint on the Trump legal team like his LSAT strategy is filling out ALL the bubbles–who has proven time and again that he is absolutely…

Sean Hannity, who routinely gives Donald Trump’s lawyers uninterrupted airtime to say whatever they want, will on Friday give Donald Trump’s lawyers uninterrupted airtime to say whatever they want. The thrilling twist this time around is they will be the actual hosts of Hannity’s radio show, which is a much more…

Who?

Here we are, again.

Another day. Another day!

The president’s lawyer would like to clarify something he said about Stormy Daniels. On Wednesday, Rudy Giuliani said: “If you’re going to sell your body for money, you just don’t have a reputation. I may be old fashioned, I dunno.” He also said: “The business you were in entitles you to no degree of giving your…

Hey, guys. Happy Wednesday:

Rudy Giuliani isn’t just a career politician, he’s Trump’s lawyer, so no I don’t take much stock on what he has to say, validity-wise. I do however wish to keep the occasion of his being booed at Yankee Stadium on his 74th Birthday this Monday in the news as long as possible, for it gives me a bitter, vengeful joy.…

It’s almost June, and we all know what that means—beach weather! Naturally, the president is interested in achieving his ultimate summer body, and is reportedly embarking on an ambitious diet and exercise plan. Specifically, he is eating fish instead of steak, using half a bun instead of two buns, and golfing more.

Former New York City mayor and current President Trump minion Rudy Giuliani received a barrage of boos at a Yankee game on Monday. Which was his birthday! A gift for all of us, really.

The sun is shining. The heat is thick. Raw, frantic sensuality pulses through the air. Summer has arrived, and with it, a new crop of fashion trends to keep you looking fresh. Specifically, I am thinking about one trend. Maybe you should think about investing in an extremely wide tie and some chest hair? Everyone is…

A new collectible for you:

Rudy Giuliani, who keeps popping up on my TV no matter how many times I spray it with Raid, is now heading Donald Trump’s legal team, for we are trapped in an endless loop of ‘90s cut-for-time sketches. But Rudy says we won’t be stuck with him for long—he expects Mueller’s probe will conclude by September 1, which is…

School will soon be in session for President Trump as he prepares for an potentially impending interview with Special Counsel Robert Mueller. In an interview, Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani revealed that these summer sessions will mimic the style of Trump’s debate prep in 2016 and will take place off the clock, like…

Rudy Giuliani loves to pride himself on how he’s the savior of New York—even though he set up the city for its eventual blanket gentrification via draconian laws, among other destructive tactics—because he happened to be the mayor during 9/11, a fact he likes to bring up a lot. But there are certain universal…

When MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough suggested on Tuesday that Rudy Giuliani over-indulges in the liquor department (he said Trump originally didn’t hire Giulinani because he was “falling asleep in meetings” and “drinking too much”), the latter was quite offended! How dare Joe Scarborough say something rude-y about Rudy?

The brain trust over at Trump Legal HQ is catching up to speed on lawyering. They’re a team of legal sleuths about to blow the lid off this whodunnit and crack the case with crimefighting capers and a whole lot of trial balloons. That might not be what lawyers do, who knows, it’s trial by fire!