Oh No, Rudy Giuliani Says the Mueller Probe Might End by September, Trump Will Get so Bored!

Rudy Giuliani, who keeps popping up on my TV no matter how many times I spray it with Raid, is now heading Donald Trump’s legal team, for we are trapped in an endless loop of ‘90s cut-for-time sketches. But Rudy says we won’t be stuck with him for long—he expects Mueller’s probe will conclude by September 1, which is…

Please Don't Insult Rudy Giuliani, a Literal Knight Who Is 'Wide Awake,' by Suggesting He Drinks Too Much

When MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough suggested on Tuesday that Rudy Giuliani over-indulges in the liquor department (he said Trump originally didn’t hire Giulinani because he was “falling asleep in meetings” and “drinking too much”), the latter was quite offended! How dare Joe Scarborough say something rude-y about Rudy?