In keeping with a long and proud institutional tradition of being all over the Windsors, for May Vanity Fair has rolled out a whole “Love and Royals” edition of the magazine that goes very, very hard on the royals generally and the royal wedding specifically.
Just when I think I’m getting accustomed to the idea that an American actress is marrying Prince Harry, something reminds me that the Windsors have gone full mid-2000s basic cable movie. Today it’s these nearly decade-old images of Meghan Markle from a gifting suite.
Americans are fascinated by the royal family of the United Kingdom. As visitors to this very website so often ask in the comments: Why? Didn’t we fight a war to get away from these people?
Very sorry to inform all of you die-hard royalists that you will not be able to pitch your custom tent emblazoned with the Union Jack and faces of various royal family members along the procession route for Harry and Meghan’s upcoming nuptials.
Like Kate Middleton and Princess Charlotte before her, Meghan Markle is fast becoming an international business phenomenon. Fashion companies around the world are eager to get their hands on the hottest lottery ticket imaginable—a shot at appearing on any part of Markle’s body during one of her public strolls.
More information is trickling out of Kensington Palace about the attendee list for the royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle; unfortunately, none of it explains where my invitation has gone. Oh, and the Obamas aren’t attending, either.
The royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle resembles nothing so much as a franchise reboot, or perhaps the 12th season of a reality TV show you haven’t watched for years but they’ve got new twists and you want to get back in. First, though, you need a refresher on cast members new and old.
Before she was preparing to marry into the British royal family—before she scored her gig on Suits, for that matter—Meghan Markle was just an aspiring actress out here trying to build that CV. Hence, this Tostitos commercial.
Truly shocking revelations from royal biographer Andrew Morton allege that Meghan Markle, as a child, was obsessed with Princess Diana. Wow—just like fully two-thirds of women currently in their 30s. Next we’ll learn that she knew who Prince Harry was and joked about marrying him—again, like huge swaths of her…
Did I even need to tell you that the floral arrangements at Harry and Meghan’s wedding will heavily feature peonies, the favored flower of social media luxury? Probably not.
You see these two? These two are numbers three and four in the line of succession and by God, they are not going to let you forget it—royal wedding or no royal wedding.
I am absolutely delighted to report that today, Harry and Meghan made a surprise visit to Northern Ireland and specifically to Titanic Belfast, a tourist attraction dedicated to the famously sunken ship, blockbuster James Cameron hit, and long-running Jezebel.com obsession.
In a shocking twist, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have ABANDONED royal tradition!!!! Well, shocking until you learn that precedent called for serving a fruitcake at your wedding, at which point it becomes an obvious decision.
Lifetime has announced the premiere date for its magnificently shameless Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance, as well as releasing this picture of the full cast. Is that supposed to be Prince William on the left? Oh dear, he’s going to be posing for pictures on motorcycles all over the United Kingdom for months once he…
Celebrate the upcoming royal wedding with a royal fuck, and keep it safe courtesy of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle themed condoms.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will wed under a shining sun and a bluebell sky in merry olde Englande on May 19. People will cry, everyone will buy a tea towel, and then, at some point during the festivities, the freaking SPICE GIRLS will PERFORM!!!
Prince Harry apparently plans to invite a couple of his ex girlfriends to his wedding to Meghan Markle.
Are you idly thinking about popping over to the United Kingdom for the royal wedding, visualizing snagging a deal on a cute little room over the route that Harry and Meghan will take to greet the public after making it official? Unfortunately I am here to brutally crush your daydream.
Police are reportedly investigating a racist letter containing suspicious white powder, sent to Meghan Markle; fortunately tests revealed it wasn’t actually anthrax, but it would be extremely understandable if that didn’t make Markle feel entirely better.
The royal wedding contagion has gone international and spread to Monaco.