This Week in Tabloids: She's Fucking Pregnant!!!
Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel’s weekly tabloid roundup. This week, everyone’s freaking out about Meghan Markle’s pregnancy—not to be confused with “mpreg.”
Meghan Markle Is PregnantÂ
Good morning! Meghan Markle is pregnant. It’s official, it’s confirmed, and they’re past the three-month mark.
Gaze Upon the New Royal Baby, PeasantsÂ
Will and Kate have left the Lindo Wing with the latest addition to the family—a boy fifth in line for the throne, name as yet unannounced. Photographers were of course waiting for the first glimpse at the kid.
The Third Royal Baby Hath Arriveth
The third royal baby has arrived, with just enough time to enjoy a little time in the sun before The Great Wedding eclipses everything in its path. The AP reports that Kate Middleton gave birth to a bouncing baby boy on April 23, 2018. To those who lined up outside St. Mary’s Hospital waiting for this momentous…
Will and Kate Want Another Baby, Claims 'Family Friend'Â
Are William and Catherine, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, considering—even now—another pregnancy? Am I considering ordering a Belgian waffle for lunch? Who’s to say?
Charlotte Is 'Easier' Than Prince George, Not That It's a Competition
(It’s a competition.)
Zoo Sorry If Naming Baby Monkey After Princess Charlotte Offends Anyone
A Japanese zoo’s attempt to crowd source a cute name for its newborn baby monkey blew up in its face, when some people picked “Charlotte” in honor of the new British princess, and some other people got mad.
The Royal Princess Has the Middle Name of Every Girl in the 3rd Grade
Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. Charlotte ELIZABETH Diana. Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.
America Has Been Bonkers About Royal Babies for More Than a Century
On Saturday, another human being joined the centuries-long line of succession to the British royal family. This new Windsor was of course greeted with a commotion in the American media—but there’s nothing new about that.
Kate Middleton Gives Birth to a Daughter, Prince Will Was There TooÂ
Hark, a child is born! Kate Middleton gave birth to a daughter early this morning. According to the palace, the still unnamed princess was delivered at 8:43 a.m. As Kate labored (or, laboured) for the nation, Prince Will was present. A palace spokesperson confirmed that both Kate and her eight pound, three ounce…
All the Crazy Royal Baby Rumors, RankedÂ
Whenever the latest royal spawn emerges from the royal womb, one of my favorite news cycles will draw to a close. I don’t care about the breathless baby outfit reporting, or the high-end amenities at the Lindo wing. No, it’s the batshit crazy rumors and tabloid reports and scurrilous online nonsense that’ve made the…
Expectant Father Prince William Buys Blue Clothes; What Does It MEAN?!
Urgent dispatch from across the pond: Prince William went shopping. And he bought blue clothing. Is this... a clue?????
Here is Queen Elizabeth Looking at Babies
At some point in the next few days, Kate Middleton will have her second child. In honor of this happy event, here are some pictures of great-grandmother Queen Elizabeth II looking at babies. Because when you’re a largely ceremonial figure, you spend a fair bit of time staring at babies.
Kate Middleton Appears in Public, Manages Not to Barf on Anyone
Welcome back, Kate! The Duchess of Cambridge, who hasn't appeared in public since her pregnancy and horrific morning sickness were announced, stepped out today to greet the President of Singapore. She did not upchuck. I wonder if she had crisps stashed in that clutch?
Synchronize Your Watches: Royal Baby No. 2 is Due in April
If for some strange reason you absolutely needed to know Kate Middleton's due date ASAP: The palace has announced that Prince George's younger sibling is scheduled to arrive in April.
Kate Middleton Brutally Kills a Zillion Dumb Baby Weight Loss Articles
Ever since Kate Middleton gave birth to Baby King George this July, tabloid writers have been eagerly sharpening their cattiest claws in preparation for snarking on the Royal's post-baby body. Kate even rhymes with WEIGHT, you guys! And her last name contains the word "TON!" THIS WILL BE THE MEANEST POST-BABY COVERAGE…
Baby King George's Nursery Will Be 'Africa Themed'
Proud new father Prince William told CNN that he and Kate Middleton's child — the Baby King of England — will spend his helpless infant days in a nursery decorated with the theme of "Africa." It's important to note here that when I say "Africa," I don't mean like all the terrible stuff that the British monarchy has…
First Portrait of Royal Baby George Reveals That He Looks Like a Baby
Breaking: baby closely resembles many other babies— he's bald, sleepy looking, and confused. To be honest the dog looks like the one who is really winning the day here.
Celebrity Babies Make the Tabloid World Go 'Round
Once upon a time there were no celebrity tabloids, just people gossiping at the local watering hole, which was literally a hole in the ground with water in it. But then some brilliant person starting carving the likenesses of his friends and neighbors into stone, and the early celebrity weekly was born. It wouldn't be…
Prince George Will Be Christened in a Replica Gown. A Bloody Replica!
The royals are serious as afternoon tea when it comes to tradition. That's why, for 167 years, all of Britain’s royal babies wore the same lace and white satin gown to their Christening ceremonies. Sadly, wee Prince George will be forced to wear a replica.
