Welcome to toddler divorce court, where hearts are broken due to arguments about whether it's raining or sprinkling and the judge is a confused three-year-old who has no idea what's going on or why someone is screaming "You're not real and you huwt me!" Oh those tender, tender feelings.

Global warming isn't happening, you guys! That's why Colorado's on fire and the rest of the country is roughly the temperature of the inside of an Easy Bake oven, and the parts that aren't on hot or in flames are being rained on with the force of a peeing god who drank a Big Gulp during the first half hour of Magic…

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrive for the UK Premiere of 'War Horse' in aid of The Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry, at a central London cinema, London, Sunday, Jan. 8, 2012. (AP Photo/Joel Ryan)

We all know by now that too much rain can be dangerous to life and limb. But rain can also be dangerous to your psyche, and even if you're not at risk of flooding, you've probably recognized that constant rain is fucking depressing. Herewith, some tips for feeling better.

How, you asked, to stay chic during April's showers?

Are you the kind who likes sleazy men? Creepy men? Insinuating men? Predatory men? There's an elemental fragrance for all of you! Keeping in mind that this ad is from Teen magazine. [Vintage_Ads]

[New York, March 30. Image via Getty]

[London, March 30. Image via Getty]

Fan culture, once considered the domain of love-struck teenagers, is finding a new life. Middle-aged women flock to support younger pop stars (like Rain, pictured) while young women's mania during the 2002 World Cup boosted the national soccer team. [TGN]

[Minsk, October 13. Image via Getty]

[Walsall, U.K., July 29. Image via Getty]

[London, July 23. Image via Getty]

[London, June 1. Image via Getty]

[Los Angeles, December 15. Image via x17]